Your thoughts about this affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Your thoughts about this affair.
16
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 10:01pm
Interesting weekend for me. I caught up with some friends from out of town. Here's a story (I've re-hashed it a bit and added some background) as related to me through the grapevine about a girl that I know and was reasonably good friends with when I worked with her for a while:

She's been working for this guy in a smallish business for about four years now. She started when she was 15 and working part-time while attending school. She joined the business full-time after leaving school and worked her way up through several positions. He recently finished working at the establishment and transferred to another city with his wife.

One of his last duties was to sew up a business deal out of town (it wasn't actually a business deal as such but I won't go into the details) with some junior colleagues. She, with some others, had done all the legwork for it over several months so they needed to go too. The deal was successful, they had dinner and a few drinks to celebrate. Not drunk, tipsy apparently.

She had fancied him for some time and got him alone later in the evening, making a serious move on him. He had never approached her or ever given her any indication of anything more than a good working relationship. They had sex.

The next morning he said he hoped she understood but he loved his wife, appreciated last night and was flattered, but didn't want anything more to come of it. She was OK with that as she didn't want anything more either - apparently she was quite happy with having had just one night with him. She had a b/f herself, but been curious about what he would be like in bed for a long time.

So, apparently, they both go off happily back to their respective partners. I should mention that he is 34 and she is just 19.

Any thoughts? I guess my question is how would you feel if your husband did that to you? If you somehow found out, would his little speech the next morning go towards changing your opinion of the cheating and your reaction to it? I must admit that I'm a little taken aback by it all.

I await the next installment. Although it was a close friend of hers (and mine) that told me about this it seems to me that too many people know about it. I have to wonder if it will remain a secret.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 8:35pm

<>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:34pm
A one-night stand is not an "affair". It was one night of lust. I think the guy acted like any typical man actually. A ninteen year old? Oh yea, he was probably shocked, but made the decision to go for it. Why not? Out of town? A hot little 19 year old putting the moves on him. They know each other. No strings? Sheesh.

That's why I don't ever want to marry. Period. Very rarely do you find two people married for many, many years WITHOUT one of them cheating on the other. Maybe not intentionally or out of dislike for the other, but human beings aren't made to screw just one person their entire life.

Hah-hah - Now I know there are many women who will step up to the plate here and insist they actually DO have that kind of man and that kind of marriage - you know, where there has been no cheating. But, it's rare. And a lot of women don't even know or assume there husbands have ever strayed. That's my point of view.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:41pm
Almost forgot ... your friend needs to make sure she (the wife) does not find out. I mean all that pain and suffering and years of distrust for having a one night stand is totally not worth it. Now, if he had been screwing around for years, then yea, definitely problems in the marriage and time for counseling or a divorce, but a one night stand? Nah ... let him have it. Same goes for her if she took some young stud up on an opportunity on one night of lust.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:57pm
"That's why I don't ever want to marry. Period. Very rarely do you find two people married for many, many years WITHOUT one of them cheating on the other."

And what is the alternative? If you don't marry and only have short-term relationships, then you miss out on the joys of a long-term relationship. In addition, people do cheat in short-term relationships. If you don't marry but do have a long-term relationship, then you still run the risk of being cheated on. You could just avoid relationships and then you won't run the risk of being cheated on but you will miss the intimacy of a relationship. There doesn't seem to be a good alternative to marriage. If a person wants to love and be loved, then marriage or at least a committment to a relationship is the only way to go. And afterall, not all people cheat. Even if the relationship is hurt by cheating, it is often not a death sentence to the relationship. What is it you are really willing to risk: being cheated on or not being loved? I'm glad I took the being cheated on risk. I've been married 23 years and even if he started cheating today, I had 23 years of a lot of love.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 5:27pm
Good for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 5:42pm
Well said!

Pages