How to Introduce Toys

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
How to Introduce Toys
4
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 4:24pm
If you've ever wondered how to break the ice to your partner about bringing toys into your bedroom, this discussion will hopefully give you some fresh insight. Whether you're a woman or man, it can feel like a huge step to take, especially if you and your partner haven't discussed sex toys in the past.

I have two takes on the situation. The first is to talk to your partner and see what sort of reaction you get. Look for something that provides an opportunity, even if it's a rerun of Sex in the City, or maybe go out to dinner near an adult novelty store in your area. Whether you're bold enough to mention visiting the store, or to suggest trying the toy, can vary from person to person .... but you could always have a friend that told you about something. Yes, it's a devious tactic, but you're not using it for a devious reason. You're just trying to break the ice and start a conversation ~ feeling your way along. Call me bad, but in my book, it's an okay way to go when you're trying to gently broach a topic.


The second way that I would recommend introducing a toy is by giving one as a gift to your partner. It can be a very intimate experience, but don't expect that it will get opened up and used on the spot. Don't pressure your partner to do anything other than admire it .... unless he/she jumps at the opportunity. Here's the thing though -- you do want your partner to open the toy and look at it. That way when you leave it in his/her hands (alone), it can be used without fear of discovery. Being it's the holiday season, it's great timing for this method! You can even make it about more than just the toy if you think that would make it easier. A stocking full of romantic gifts like personal coupons, body oils, lingerie, and a sex toy can make it seem less intimidating.


If you don't get shot down on your suggestion, chances are there's at least a little interest. It may take a while for your partner to open up, and you don't want to badger, but do look for future opportunities to bring the toy (or topic) back into conversation.


Those are suggestions, but what I would like to see happen here is members sharing their personal stories about the introduction of toys, good and bad. As part of the Sweet & Spicy Holiday Fun event, we might even get Sexpert, Laura Corn to chime in on the topic ;-)





iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 5:18pm
This is just me knowing my partner, and I would definitely NOT recommend this approach for everyone, but the way I introduced toys into our partnered sex life was to bring one out and start using it on her while we were in the middle of some hot and heavy action.

If I'd gifted her with one, she would have turned a few shades of red, and then it would have sat in a drawer and never get taken out. Already being familiar with the pleasures that toys can provide also made it easier for her when we made our first joint trip to an adult toy store together.



This was definitely an area that I had to take the lead in, or it would never have happened, and for the longest time toys were only something that she was interested in using in conjunction with partner play. It was much later when she started using them for some quality solo time.




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 2:06pm

I like the initiative Boston Steve! Here is a special Secret Spice just for you...

LADIES - Stop reading here. This a SECRET SPICE FOR HIS EYES ONLY!

This Secret Spice will guarantee to levitate your woman off the bed!

Bring your most powerful vibrator justhisclose to her clitoris....but don't touch! Move it slowly around her entire vulva, always hovering, beaming sonic shockwaves to her skin-until her anxious, yearning hips start to rise, drawn like a sex magnet to your teasing toy!


 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 8:43pm

Great tip, Laura ;-)

(You didn't really think us women would stop reading when you said to, now did you, lol.)






















iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 9:42pm

I absolutely agree with Misty_Mae! One of my favorite ways to introduce a sex toy into your relationship is by wrapping it up and presenting to your partner. And it's all about the presentation!

I prefer handing the gift over to your sweetie somewhere other than the bedroom...so predictable and booooring. Yawwwn!

I would wrap up the toy and leave it on the kitchen counter in the morning with a little card that says "Let's learn together. I want to please you. Bring this to the bedroom tonight 9pm. You can shake it, but you can't peek at what's inside. That's a surprise."

Your partner will be much more affected by the effort you put into the experience than just thinking that you're a horndog. And not to mention-all that anticipation building throughout the day will guarantee sheet scorching sex later that night!

 

Edited 12/13/2009 9:43 pm ET by ask_laura_corn




Edited 12/14/2009 1:22 am ET by ask_laura_corn