Vibrator v. Boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
Vibrator v. Boyfriend
1
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 8:18pm

The very first orgasm I ever had was with my vibrator.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 9:02pm

Welcome to the board, rk81.

Had you masturbated prior to becoming sexually active? The reason I ask is that the best way for a woman to learn how her body responds to sexual stimulation is through masturbation.

For many women (around 80%), orgasms during intercourse don't happen without added clitoral stimulation. There's a great website, www.the-clitoris.com, that explains the female anatomy and sexual responses. It would be great for you to review that site ... and have your BF look at it as well. His ego shouldn't be hurting, but he needs to learn that what you're experiencing is pretty typical (fairly common).

That's not to say that you can't learn to orgasm during intercourse, but stressing over it will be counterproductive. For you to be able to reach orgasm you need to be able to get your head into the game. Simply put, that can't happen if you're worried about his ego, or trying to focus on just the orgasm. You should be experiencing the pleasure, enjoying it -- which will allow the orgasm to happen.

It is possible to become dependent on a vibrator, but that's something that occurs with regular, frequent use. You're saying you can stimulate your clitoris during intercourse and reach orgasm that way, so it's very doubtful that you're dependent on your vibe.

Here are several articles that you might find helpful:

Everything You Want to Know about Orgasms
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,traceycox_c4qgbvt5,00.html

"Why are my orgasms more intense during masturbation?"
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/carnal/qas/0,,638353_634298,00.html

Know Thyself: The Female Form 101
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,traceycox_b6vtmjv3,00.html

Sex Toys Are Win-Win: A Guide for Men
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,traceycox_8jmprmrf,00.html

Bad Vibrations: Am I dependent on a vibrator?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,83v0,00.html

Hopefully you'll be able to share some of these articles with your BF, or talk with him about how you're feeling. Make sure you let him know that it's not about him at all, and maybe try from time to time to reach climax prior to intercourse (from foreplay) without the use of the vibrator. That will help to build his confidence, and help him learn what you need to get there.