3 week drought

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
3 week drought
9
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 12:54am

It's been about 3 1/2 weeks since my husband and I last made love. I'M LOSING MY MIND!!! He has been having pains in his back and he doesn't want to get started and not be able to finish. I understand that but now it's like he doesn't want to do any serious kissing or touching because he's scared something will get started. I'm feeling so unattratctive and undesirable right now. He told me a couple days ago that he wanted me and that made me feel better but with each day that passes, I want him more. I don't like talking to him about it because he always says that I love making him feel bad and that's not what I'm trying to do. HELP!!!

Tisha~Marine Wife and SAHM
Marine Wife~~Hardest Job in the Corps

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:25am
Hey Tisha, is it possible for you to do him? I mean, with a bad back, what if he laid on his back in a comfortable position and you got on top and did him? His movements would be kept to a "minimal", and you would/could do all the "work'. But at least you'd be doing it. I too have a bad back (doesn't sound like to the degree of your husband's), so I can empathize with him there. Of course you'd have to take it easy ( no twirling from the ceiling fan), but I would think that it can be accomplished. Hope it works out for you both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 10:54am
Hey Tisha - isn't there anything else you could do too? Like oral on him, then have him do oral on you, in a position that doesn't require him moving? He could just lay on his back and you could squat over him. Or like Curious said, you could get on top.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 12:00pm

He really doesn't want to do anything because he knows how he is. If I get started on oral, he's going to want more and end up being in pain. As far as finding a comfortable position, it seems like the only comfortable one is sleeping. Other than that, he's saying that it hurts. He had to go to work today so he couldn't take a Vicodin or anything strong and the over the counter stuff doesn't help. He makes me mad though because he likes to grab on my butt and my breasts but doesn't want me to touch him in his areas. He's covering himself up all the times. I love looking at him naked and now he's getting dressed in the bathroom after a shower. I can understand him not wanting to get started and end up in pain but I feel like I'm being cut off totally. The last time we actually kissed with tongue was about a week ago and he was sleeping. (I think he has that sleep sex disorder. I forgot what it was called.) I was on my period so I couldn't do anything. The only other times we've been this long without making love are right after I had our son and when he was deployed. I'm just getting really frustrated and REALLY HORNY!!!

Tisha~Marine Wife and SAHM
Marine Wife~~Hardest Job in the Corps

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 1:07pm
Not knowing you guys all that well, I have to ask - are you sure there isn't anything else wrong? I mean, there are plenty of other ways to finish, so why not try something else besides IC? I mean if I hurt so bad that I couldn't have IC, but my wife was willing to give me oral or manual stimulation, I'd be TOTALLY wanting that. Have you guys always only finished with IC?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 3:42pm
Tisha, how about this: what if you were to masterbate in front of him? This may sound odd, but listen. He's sitting there, you just come up and start taking care of yourself. If THAT doesn't at least get his head to thinking about you and your needs, I don't know what would. Also, the sight of you "handling" your own business might be just the push he needs. I would think you'd really have to do it up- sexy clothing, (if that's your/his thing), perfume, the works. Show him what he's missing. I hope you can find a solution. Nothing worse that being horny! Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 5:00pm

Even when he wasn't in pain, I've tried to just please him. I'll tell him to just let me take care of him this time and he can't handle it. He always wants to go further and I let him. Someone else mentioned pleasing myself in front of him. I tried that two weeks ago because I knew I was coming on my period in the next couple days. (At this point, I didn't know his back was bothering him. He finally admitted it to me last week.)I took a shower and when I got out, I lubed up our toy. I had it inside, ready for anal and called him upstairs to our room. He just looked at me and said no. He walked away and said that my timing was all wrong. I felt horrible. He still hadn't told me about his back so I was thinking that he just didn't want me. This Saturday will make exactly one month since our last time. He's been to the doctor for his back and they won't help him. I think I'll try my luck again tonight and if it doesn't work, me and my toy will become better acquainted.

Tisha~Marine Wife and SAHM
Marine Wife~~Hardest Job in the Corps

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 5:05pm
Wow- Sounds like you tried EVERYTHING. I'm out of ideas. Let us know how it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 5:17pm

Stupid men and they're stupid idiotic communication skills! LOL!

I can say that cause I am one (albeit hopefully a TAD better at it!).


Take heart Tisha, 9 times out of 10, it really ISN'T you, it IS them. I'd suggest a new doctor (chiropractor even?), and maybe even step 2 might be a counselor. Have you visited the Mismatched Libidos board too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 12:41am

It does seem odd. I think that you mentioned that in your other post. I know he's in pain but if he can go to work and reach and grab breasts and butt (there is backwrenching leaning involved there) then it seems a little odd that he won't join in and let you take care of him.

Get him to Doctor, I'd say. The sooner the better.