Any help getting us back on track

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Any help getting us back on track
5
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 6:39pm

For the first time since DH and I have gotten together(except for a work situation)we've gone 8 days without sex. I know, for some people not a big deal for us though HUGE. We had a scary situation with DH's ex and his daughter where whe had to bail her out of yet another relationship issue but this one was complete with my lovely stepdaughter calling crying about Mom's boyfriend from the closet. She meets guys online and moves in with them at a pretty rapid pace. We had to get them to safety as mom didn't even have cab fare on her. We also had to arange lodging, tickets to fly home, and even the ability to charge food at the hotel. How people live so unprepared is beyond me but I keep trying not to be judgemental. So it's been a tough stressful week but with our anniversary looming(and my special striptease surprise getting pretty damned good JMHO)I really want to reconnect.

I did give him a great BJ last night but there was no reciprocation. I'm not angry because 1. I never give to receive, messes up my karma. LOL and 2. I really just wanted him to sleep well now that they are finally back here at home. Any advice on lifecrap not interfering with our sex life?(I'm guessing all you wisdom filled friends are going to tell me to wait but I'm like a cat, clung to a tree, with my fur standing up. Just kidding, that's my way.)

 Michele winter
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:10pm

Oh honey....act and act fast! Whether anniversary or Valentine's day comes first ,start making plans!


As much as us women like for our guys to "go all out" for us, I decided it was my turn these days. Your hubby is still dealing with his past beacause he has a heart of gold it seems. (Mine would help his ex too) You have a heart of gold for dealing with it as the new wife putting up with the old ones "bright" descions. Hats off to you! Make a special night for you both. Cell phones off, kids at babysitter, whatever you have to do. Get outta town....go 2 hours away or even 30 minutes away but

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:25pm

It's not really about sex, it's about feeling close to one another again. With everything you guys went through this week, who couldn't help feeling their connection breaking. My hats off to you both though for doing what you did. Of course, I don't know the complete story, but I lived with a mother who never took care of me, herself, etc. I truly wish someone had come along and given her a swift kick in the >>>>>, and told her to grow up.

You guys need to drop from the plant for 24 hours and rekindle the fire. Tell the ex to grow up, or at least do it for 24 hours!!!LOL

Hang in there! Don't let this lifecrap ruin what is obviously a wonderful marriage and friendship!!!

P.S. This striptease act, are you practicing a routine? Man, you go girl!!!!LOL

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:46pm

Thanks girls! We are thankfully planning a 2 day get away on the 7th for our anniversary which is on the 8th. It is a romantic, hot tub in every room, on the beach kind of place we could never afford during the summer but can splurge on during the winter. The hot tub has a seperate room all to itself and it is 5'x7'!!! I am sooo glad it is already paid for too. No cancelling b/c of all the money we've shelled out this week. Believe me I would do anything to get my daughter to safety and even told her she was more than welcome in our home for awile til her mother gets her stuff back together but she begged to be able to go home with her mother and we relented. The location she moved to is safe, as long as she doesn't move in with someone else we have promised not to press for full custody. If anyone moves in it is over and our daughter will be coming to live with us. I refuse for her to grow up thinking that is the way to live. I did take my husbands ex aside and tell her she has a flat 5 mintues to straighten up and fly right. She isn't dragging a dog all over the country. They were all the way on the west coast and we are on the east.

I am so proud of my DH and I've been telling him at every opportunity I get. I've cooked him his favorite meals this week, had a bath drawn every night when he got home,have spent countless hours massaging his back and neck, dealt with his very nervous Mom all week for him(this alone is worth another engagement ring I swear LOL!!) and I agree it isn't all about sex. We did weather this together just like a team and that felt amazing. I haven't said one word about this to him b/c I don't want to add any more pressure to what he is feeling.

The striptease was jlhun's suggestion when I asked for anniversary suggestions. DH has asked a bunch of times but I am way shyer than he is. I've been practicing with a mirror and a CD I burned of some of his favorite get down songs. I really want to give him a special present, he is so good to me and makes me feel like a queen in the bedroom and out. I can't wait to go away. Kids have sitters, I have new lingiere, warming massage oil which we both love,candles, bath bombs...the works. This couldn't be coming at a better time.

 Michele winter
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:27pm

I just read your post. I absolutely have chills with the lil bumps on my arms, lol.


I am so happy for you both. I am in my 2nd marriage thats only been 9 months long. He just got home from the Army and treats me the same way. We are so lucky ya know. Think how many women have DH that are out sleeping around and drinking the night away as the mom's take care of the house, kids, etc. Thank God there are still a few good men out there and how blessed we are to have 2 of them.


I wish you a weekend of love & connection girl!

Jamie Lynn


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Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:21am
Okay, we got this problem taken care of this morning. DS slept in DH did not! See you all tomorrow night at the sexathon. Well, not literally see you, you know what I mean. Thank you for all your advice.
 Michele winter