Can a marriage survive if the sex isn't good?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2011
Can a marriage survive if the sex isn't good?
16
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 9:22am

For the past few years I have been disappointed in my husband performance in the bedroom. I love my husband but I wish that I was more open about my sexual needs from the beginning. It's hard for me to verbalize what I need from him without him thinking that

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006

I believe a marriage can survive anything if both people are willing to make it work. As for your husband gaining weight, who does the grocery shopping, and cooking? When was the last time he's had a complete physical with his doctor?

As for the sex, the only way that can change is by you sitting him down, outside the bedroom, and explaining what you need and want sexually. He's not a mind reader, just as you aren't and don't know what he wants/needs.

As for him performing oral on you, have you ever tried telling him what you like? People don't know how others like things without being told, or moving him to a certain place, or saying Ooooh, that feels good, please don't stop, or a little to the left or right, wahtever it takes to make it feel good.

Most women do not orgasm through intercourse witout some sort of clit stimulation. That can either be done by him or you. Do you have any toys? You could use one. How aboue WOT, that way you control the pace and can rub yourself against him. Again, he can't know if you don't tell him. If you don't have the heart to tell him what you need, then you wil continue to suffer the consequences.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 10:22pm

Studies show that the amount and frequency of sex by themselves

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 10:16am

Have you had an orgasm trhough intercourse or oral with anyone else? Do you give yourself orgasms?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2011
To your first question: Yes I have and I have always been able to give myself orgasms. Also we have talked about his weight and health. I never said much about it until it began to affect our sex life. It's not that the weight makes him unattractive it just that I'm a small girl and when he's on top it's a bit uncomfortable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2011
I do the shopping and cooking. I have tried to introduce some healthier options but am met with much resistance. He didn't realize how much weight he had gained until he had to have a full physical for insurance purposes. I have to push him to exercise. Although, I'm afraid (I’m not sure way) I know I need to tell him how a feel. I've tried to direct him and there had been some progress yet, after we’ve had sex I left wanting. As far as toys I have experience with them and I like toy. He on the other hand has absolutely no experience with then and would completely be against using toys of any kind. I’ve gotten some really great advice and I am committed to working on this issue even to the extent of seeing a professional if need be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006

May I ask how old the two of you are? Is there any time spent on foreplay? Most women do not orgasm from intercourse, and need some sort of clit stimulation.

As for the weight, maybe suggest the two of you go for a walk around the block each night after dinner. Or if there is a park nearby, go there and walk around some. Every little bit of exercise helps. Start out small/slow and gradually work it up a little each week.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 10:11am

As uncomfortable as it may be, I think you should talk to him. Maybe start off asking him if HE is satisfied with your sex life. If he isn't, that actually makes it easier, then you can both talk about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2011

I am in my early 30’s and my husband is in his late 20’s.

Foreplay is tricky because at the end of the night after we've run the kids here and there, he's come back from his after dinner walk with the dogs (which is helping because he has lost 3 to 4 pounds) and, I'm exhausted from my hour workout at the gym which I do 5 to 6 time a week we kind of just want to get it in and go to sleep.

I know we’ve got to make more time for each other, however moving to a new city where we don't have any fam. it's hard to do things like date nights because there is no one we know or trust to watch the kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006

Ok, so you know you have to make time for each other, so you have to DO IT. Don't go to the gym 6 nights a week, go 4 or 5. After dinner why don't the two of you take the dog for a walk?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2011

Being a plumber I work in many homes and over the years I heard it all, sort of like a confessional people tell the plumber everything.

I have a brother-in-law a doctor who had 4 wives ( and lord knows how many affairs / lovers) in about 12 years and I tried to explain alimony is not a tax shelter and sometimes it is better to just do as a chief petty officer told me which was amazing wisdom passed onto me at learning age of 17

If your going to have an affair because you do not want a divorce etc have it with a married person as they have just as much to lose as you do and they know family comes first and they will not call you at all hours of the night, expert you to take off on vacations and who needs the complications going out with a single person?

Sex in marriage can be amazing but having a variety in life helps. No one would not want to eat the same thing every single day . There is always someone in the same boat your in learn to find someone with an oar to help you

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