Can Women Have Sex Without Arousal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1999
Can Women Have Sex Without Arousal?
12
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 9:19am

I have been married 10 years and we have sex for BOTH of us about twice a month.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 12:03pm
It sounds to me like your issue is one more of mismatched sex drives - you want it frequently while she can pretty much live without it. I'm sure members here will have suggestions for you, but you may also try posting this to Mismatched Libidos for some additional insight into the problem.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1999
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 4:23pm

CMStephanie,


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 4:45pm

That the wife won't talk to you, is reason enough to talk to the mismatched folks. If she'd discuss it, you could come to a compromise & then there would be no mismatch!

>>>>>> My wife does not feel anything at all.

Then all the secret tips from the internet in the world, won't help you. Some people just aren't sensitive to sex.

Some people are sensitive to stimulus, like for example pain. They feel things strongly & couldn't tolerate anything like a tattoo, or even a shot from the doctor. Others like pain & get off on it, you can smack them, & they love it.

Different strokes for different folks.

Your wife is not sensitive to sexual stimulation. She wasn't programmed that way. She's not interested in sex, talking about it, learning new moves, or making it better for anyone. She doesn't care to have better orgasms.

One of the posters on mismatched, expertly describes how she realized she was different, & didn't respond to sexual stimulus like she was "supposed" to. The process is too tiring, & no new "moves" ever give any indication that her body will respond any differently than it has before. Which is, not at all. Not bad, not wrong, just different.

Personal question ...

Do you masturbate? Maybe do more of that, so you're not waiting two weeks. Take more care of yourself. You can only change yourself.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1999
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 5:50pm

Tulips,


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 9:22am

It's a shame she won't open up to you and talk to you about what she needs and wants from you with regard to sex. Open communication about sex and explaining what works and doesn't work is one of the best ways

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 3:29am

Last night I tried something different.

Yvonne :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 9:03am
I agree I don't care for that move either! I can't seem to 'match' him in movements and throws me off! LOL!

memeu siggy 4-08


memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1999
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 9:18am

TravellingMom & Meme,


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 10:30am
The proponents of the shallow thrusting methods all claim that MOST of a women's sensitive nerve endings in her vagina are in the beginning of the vagina and therefore shallow thrusting "should' be better.

------------------------They are but there are ways to get there by just changing positions and certainly the shaft can hit those spots when you are in different positions.

Besides, intercourse is often not the best way to hit those spots (though some of us prefer it anyway), oral sex and masterbation (from you or her) does the same trick. I'm not into the latter but I do know guys who find watching their mates get off as incredibly arousing.

But remember foreplay for most women is days in the making. Your wife may be thinking you are only focused on sex and not being her partner (which oh BTW is a BIG turn off). Most men underestimate how much women will adore you if you help out (chores, taxiing kids around, running errands, etc). And they underestimate consistency. You can't just do these things and expect a response (sex) quickly or you stop playing. You pretty much have to resolve to stay in the game for as long as it takes and then some.

Good luck!

Yvonne :-)

Yvonne :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 12:24am
Most men underestimate how much women will adore you if you help out (chores, taxiing kids around, running errands, etc). And they underestimate consistency. You can't just do these things and expect a response (sex) quickly or you stop playing. You pretty much have to resolve to stay in the game for as long as it takes and then some.

And sometimes your just up against something that won't change the facts no matter how much you help out around the house.
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