Do you have sex when you are fighting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Do you have sex when you are fighting?
13
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 12:09pm

I think this question has been around recently but it is very close to home this week.

-Pam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 1:25pm

If it involves sex or getting to sex or how to have sex ... and you're married - you're in the right place!


My DH and I do have sex when we are fighting. I have never argued with him about anything (and apparently vice versus for him to me) that would kill our desire for each other.


Maybe we're just that horny. ?


I guess when we argue or fight we are still both very aware that we are a married couple, and we are in love, and the fight is temporary so why put the rest of our lives - including our sex life - on hold?


Just this past weekend I was so mad I could have spit nails and I still crawled in bed with him on Sunday afternoon while Abi was napping....


Maybe it is the nature of the fight that dictates more wether or not you can still be intimate?



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MadsenFallSiggy3.png picture by jenniemadsen1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 1:41pm

Funny you should ask this now pam after my DH and I had a somewhat frosty weekend...LOL

We have 2 kinds of disagreements.

1. Big disagreements--big fight--yelling, etc. But we ALWAYS resolve it and don't go to bed mad, even if we're still resolving things at 3 am.
This kind of fight happens maybe once, twice a year. The making up almost always ends in sex. Sometimes exhausted sex, but hey, we've resolved somthing big and its time to celebrate.

2. Little stupid things--we've been together too long to make a big fight out of it. So one of us gets moody (this weekend--ME) and the other knows better than to make a big deal of it. Or start anything sexual. We just kind of stay out of each other's hair for a day or two. Usually when I'm the annoyed one it is because I have a big deadline and not really because I'm mad at DH, its just that I have too much on my plate for a day or two.

Does this make sense? LOL
Nani

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:05pm

Do you, or can you, have sex with your DH or DW when you are fighting, arguing, or unsettled with each other?~ When we're at odds with each other, sex does not even enter the picture until whatever unrest is resolved.
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:03pm

My answer would have to be very similar to the answer given by Zahra Joon. I personally am not ready for the emotions of sex when there is an seriuos disagreement that is unsettled. However, for the past many decades, our disagreements have been almost non existant. We do have discussions about subjects which we may not agree about, but we always settle them in a very compromising, humorous way.

I cannot remember the last time that we had a real argument, so it had to have been many decades ago. We learned long ago that fiery emotional fights detract from a loving marriage. Our disagreements can take a little time to resolve, but they are all resolved with time, accommodation, humor, and love.

I was brought up in a family where my father was very controlling and really fought with my mother quite frequently. He sometimes actually got physically abusive with my mother, and also cheated on her, all of which had a real negative affect on me personally. I vowed that I would NEVER be that type of husband. In my 5 1/2 year courtship with my future wife, I witnessed the loving relationship between her mother and father, so I spent more time at her house than I did at my own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 8:03pm

My wife isn't particularly emotional, or at least, not emotionally expressive. While we rarely fight (in the sense that most people mean by fighting) when we do have a disagreement, it is usually me that ends up "steaming like a demon". I've always preferred to deal with this type of situation by myself, so for the 2 or 3 days it takes to blow over (ie. for me to get over it), DW doesn't really exist. I'm just lost in myself, thinking things over. If it goes on longer than "usual" DW will usually approach me in a friendly and loving way, I'll realize that I'm being a "dickhead", and that will be the end of it. But ultimately, we always "resolve" issues that cause anger quickly.

We don't usually have sex during these periods, but they also don't usually last long enough to disrupt our routine much. To get back on track is very simple - forgive and forget. Get over it, and get on with it. I guess ultimately, someone has to either back down, or both have to make concessions. If you're both strong willed, an argument cna play out for some time...

Hope this helps some...

Boddies

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 10:27pm

I dont' use sex as reward or punishment. I'm not going to withhold sex becasue I'm mad and I'm not going to put out just because dh treated me well.


However, when I'm unhappy I just dont' feel like having sex. If I'm angry, we might not have sex ... not as punishment for him, but because anger is not a turn on for me. Same with good things. I won't reward dh for something (a gift, etc) with sex, but our getting along and him doing nice thigns for me makes me happy and happiness is a turnon. These views also mean we dont' have makeup sex.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 10:28pm
Ahhh, you said it so much better than I!


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 8:15am

Do you, or can you, have sex with your DH or DW when you are fighting, arguing, or unsettled with each other?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:50pm

Boddington, as a friendly suggestion, I hope that you learn to control your volatile temper for the sake of your wife and your relationship.

When I was first married, I was somewhat hot tempered until I came to the realization that I asked this woman to be my wife and to share our lives together, so I vowed to change myself for the better and my marriage benefitted greatly. I am telling you this because I have detected these qualities in you from the many posts that I have read from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 1:28pm

Oh, I've been working on it... They don't call Saggitarius a fire sign for nothing! I wear my heart on my sleeve... you don't ever have to guess what I'm thinking.

But I do think there is a difference between "control" and "absolute suppression". If I find something really offensive, I think I will always feel compelled to comment. Bottling your anger isn't a solution either.

Cheers,

Boddies

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