Does foreplay matter that much anymore?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012
Does foreplay matter that much anymore?
8
Thu, 03-14-2013 - 3:29pm

Between our busy schedules and kids, it's hard to find the time and energy to spend quality time on our sex life.  We used to have hour long sessions together;  now they are much shorter, but still satisfying.   There are times I don't even want to spend time on foreplay because you never know when the kids are going to barge in or you want to get to sleep!   Is foreplay a thing of the past when you have kids? 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
Fri, 03-15-2013 - 5:48pm

For me and DW, not so much.

My wife's sex drive is quite low.  She doesn't have orgasms with me (herself?) and I did bring that up once and she shrugged it off, so if she isn't going to speak up given the chance, I let it go.  I think she may have sex largely for me as she doesn't initiate and kind of wants it to be over so she can get on to other things.  We have children, but they are out of the house a lot.  

I wish my situation were different, but it's not and I don't know what to do.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 03-16-2013 - 12:39am

What do you mean "anymore"?  Did it ever matter to you?  Or to her?  Certainly no woman appreciates a man jumping on her out of the blue!  And what do you consider foreplay?  Are you aware that foreplay doesn't start in the bedroom?  It starts in the kitchen, by helping her with the dishes, or in the living room by bringing her a cup of tea.  It starts by telling her you love her, NOT when you're looking for sex.  It starts with an occasional date nite.  If a woman is getting GOOD sex, she's going to want it more......anf for good sex, you have to work up to it long before bedtime!  Sit her down and talk to her, ask her what she's missing......what she'd like you to do for her or with her.  Communication is the best place to start!  And foreplay is ALWAYS important.

Avatar for cupcakebabe
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2011
Mon, 03-18-2013 - 3:40pm

boobsandbaubles wrote:

Between our busy schedules and kids, it's hard to find the time and energy to spend quality time on our sex life. We used to have hour long sessions together; now they are much shorter, but still satisfying. There are times I don't even want to spend time on foreplay because you never know when the kids are going to barge in or you want to get to sleep! Is foreplay a thing of the past when you have kids?

I think most women feel the way you do. I know my dh has pulled the "I don't care..." card if I mention the kids barging in. ;)

I think it matters to get things rolling. To me it would be more of a wham, bam, thank you ma'am type situation without some kind of foreplay. 

With that said, with so much going on with work and kids, sometimes you forgo the foreplay just to get to that intimacy. But I don't think it should be forgotten every single time. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2013
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 10:23am

I agree with the other post on here that said foreplay does begin out of the bedroom. My man is very attentive to my needs in and out of the love shack. He also makes it very clear to me that it is way more enjoyable for him when Im getting what I want so he wants to please me too. We on average do it 4-6 times a week and that is with 2 kids in the house all week and 5 kids every other weekend. It's all about making time for your relationship and how much you really want to make time. For us we go to the bedroom a half hour earlier then we would go to sleep or when the kids are there (his frisky time is the middle of the day) he will get a quick version while the kids are outside playing. That version is not as much for me b/c us women just cant get up and go but I do that for him b/c he does things for me. It's all about give and take. I definitely say foreplay does need to be there! It doesnt have to be all time but remember again I agree with the other post it starts elsewhere :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2013
Wed, 04-17-2013 - 3:06pm

I think that foreplay is ALL that matters. However, the question is how do we define foreplay in the age of "kids running amok". We are all busy bees all day, between our morning routine, day at work (boss got on our nerves again?), kids at home want our attention and all this just to get ready for the next day. Who indeed has energy to literally schedule time with your partner, go into the bedroom, start making out and hoping that we won't fall asleep before the foreplay advances to sex.

It doesn't have to be like this. The foreplay for couple with kids can be different than what it used to be when we were young and dating. All you need is to find a new way to sex it up in your bedroom.

How about flirting with each other? Send sexy text messages while your at work. "hey babe, what are you wearing?". Or "Luv, wanna step into the mens room and send me a snap shot of that yummy you've got hidden in your pants?". Of course, you want to make sure this is send only to your spouce and not accidently to someone else. Keep flirting via text messages all day at work, and by the time you get home you would already be somewhat turned on.

Now comes the hardest part - finding time for foreplay at home. The essence of foreplay is to get your mind into the mood for sex. What you can do is somewhat speed things up in a way, by shifting your thiughts to a "sexy zone". What I'm referring to is erotic role-playing fantasies. These are scenarios you come up with and decide to role play them. The scenarios are erotic in nature and are meant to turn you on and evnetually lead to sex.

Now, you would say that to role play a fantasy can be long and tedious. But also for that there are ways to cut in line. As you undress and get ready to go to bed you can tell each other the fantasy. By them time lights are out and you are under the sheets, you would be in character. More importantly, your mind would be in character and already tuned in for sex.

If you want, there are many creative erotic role playing fantasies and other ideas for fun fore plays, especially for couples with kids who barely find time for sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2013
Wed, 10-16-2013 - 2:04am

To increase you mate sexual arousal you can use a toys like this

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2013
Tue, 10-29-2013 - 2:01pm
I don't want to just get in and get it over with and she doesn't either. Getting there is half the fun. In fact we never just have sex with out her having at least one orgasm first, usually 2 or 3. She loves it, I love it (seeing her orgasm) and it definitely makes the sex better because we are both ready then. Please don't skip out on the foreplay because you are missing a vital part of intimacy. Foreplay eye to eye, close up is hard to beat for being intimate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2013
Tue, 10-29-2013 - 9:39pm
Headed to the bedroom now to take my own advice. Excitement building already.