Does Your Spouse Know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Does Your Spouse Know?
11
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 3:26pm

My husband figured out after several years of marriage that I was attracted to women as well as men. Over the years this has helped our relationship, I think. We know we can tell each other just about anything. It has also greatly enhanced our sex life since it adds a lot more to the fantasy (and some reality) life.

So does your spouse know of your bisexuality or attractions to members of the same sex?

Has it helped or hindered your relationship?

If he/she doesn't know, what is stopping you from telling the other?

Does he/she get turned on by the thought of your bisexual feelings?

Thanks,
Anne.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 5:42pm

I'm not bisexual and I don't have a sexual attraction to other women.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 10:47am

I told my wife I 'used to be' (Cause I'm a faithful spouse) Bi-sexual. She wasn't at all surprised and I think it's an attraction for her, there's times when I'm soft & submissive and other times when I'll yank her hair, spank her and be rough, both are good at various times.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 10:49pm
this might be a better subject for Bisexual Issues

memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 6:25pm

>this might be a better subject for Bisexual Issues or Lesbian Relationships or maybe Taboos

Although it wouldn't hurt to ask the question on those boards as well, I think this board is a good venue for this topic. While I agree that there might be more openly bisexual women reading those other boards, the question was specifically aimed at MARRIED women with bisexual tendencies.

$0.02

Flyboy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:10pm
I've often wondered, but unfortunately, I've been afraid to find out. While I realize that may seem strange and cowardly, the thoughts that I am attracted to women have become stronger since I got married three years ago to my husband. I'm afraid to figure them out, because of what I might find or the impact it might have. How do you know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 5:34pm

I did post this to Bisexual issues as well. However, by posting here I thought I would hear from more married women that may (or may not) have opened up to their spouses. Similarly, by having this post on this board, it may bring about more open discussions between spouses who normally wouldn't visit the Bisexual board due to their concern about what their spouse may think knowing they visited a Bisexual board.

Being married myself, I find it more interesting to hear from other married people about a variety of topics. I doubt I would get the same types of responses on the Bisexual (or other boards) about a topic such as this.

Based on some personal experience, I think there are quite a few married women (and possibly men) that have bisexual fantasies, but their spouse doesn't necessarily know about these.

Thanks for the advice though.

Anne.

Avatar for tiggerdana
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 7:06am
I am bi-sexual I wasn't when I got married one night I asked my dh what was his fanstay he said to be with two women and for them to be enjoying themselves before he joined in at first I was a little turned off but after I thought about it I figure what would it hurt to try it I am glad I did and I have had a great relationship with another women who now is my best freind So if I had bi sexual tendecies before I got married I would have defintely told my dh
TTFN
Dana
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 9:59pm

I answered this question over at the BI board, and was surprised to see that the question was asked over here too to "get responses from married people." Actually, of the five women who responded to this question there, four are married (for 6, 10, 12, and *unknown* years, respectively) and one is engaged.

The vast majority of people who post on that board *are* married. Most of them have been married a very long time and are scared about what their newly uncovered bisexuality means for their marriage, or knew before marriage that they were bisexual but thought the feelings would fade and so never deemed it necessary to tell the spouse (not a tactic *I* would use, but there are people who do).

It is rare to find a group of people who *are* married, who *are* in love with their spouses, who *are* committed to their marriages, who also are dealing with bisexual issues in a heartfelt, intelligent, careful way (in other words, not a porn site or whatever). We do have a few unmarried people too, who are looking for guidance and opinions in a subject that is not often spoken of objectively. It's hard to find support for *bisexual* people.

At any rate, no need to be shy about visiting the bisexual issues board (click my sig)... it's a nice group of people over there. I should know... not only am I a member, I'm also the cl (trying SO hard to sound like the Hairclub for Men Guy!).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 3:23pm

I understand why you would want to ask that here. From a reseach point of view you want your sample to be as unbiased as possible. The people on the Bi board are at least on some level more open about thier bi-ness (if bi-ness is a real word, LOL!)

So does your spouse know of your bisexuality or attractions to members of the same sex? Not to the extent that I am.

Has it helped or hindered your relationship?
At this point hindered. I would love to talk more open about it, and think talking about it would be fun. Talking and acting on it are very different.

If he/she doesn't know, what is stopping you from telling the other? He is a bit homophobic. That and he would get very threatened.

Does he/she get turned on by the thought of your bisexual feelings?
He gets turned on by girl girl, but I am not one of the girls.

I just wanted to add this was not an issue when we got married. My libido was very low back then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 12:51am
Anne,
I dont feel that I have bisexual tendancies but have been with other women for my SO. I know that he enjoys watching me with anoter woman more than I do so I have given that to him.
Here is a twist to your question, I am extremely turned on by the thought of another man giving my SO oral while I watch. I am certain my SO would not do anal or give oral but may let another man give him oral. I love to watch bi-guy porn but have yet to do it with my SO. Anyone else out there with me?

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