Fantasies

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2008
Fantasies
13
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:05pm

So - Could any of you ladies give me some advice as to how I can encourage my wife in to sharing her fantasies with me? Is this possible or is it the natures of fantasies that they be private?

Maybe this belongs in the Fantasies section?




Edited 1/27/2010 4:20 pm ET by tripten

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
In reply to: tripten
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:18pm
Hi, Tripten, and welcome to the board.

"So - Could any of you ladies give me some advice as to how I can coax my wife in to sharing her fantasies with me? Is this possible or is it the natures of fantasies that they be private?"



Well, you don't really give us a lot of help in that! We know nothing about you, your wife, whether or not she even has fantasies, what kind they might be, or why you want or need to have her share them with you. Is your sex life with her good, or has it fallen by the wayside and needs to be dealt with and brought back to life.

It can be possible, depending on each couple and the circumstances, but it is anything but an obligation. It is up to each person, man or woman, in my opinion, to decide if their fantasies are private or open to being shared. For many people they are, yet at the same time an individual can decide to share certain fantasies, as long as it is a voluntary choice.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
In reply to: tripten
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:37pm
Because of the way many of us women were brought up, there are women who feel uncomfortable sharing their fantasies, even with their partner. Does your wife enjoy watching porn with you? If she is the one making suggestions for particular movies, there would be clues right there as to what kinds of fantasies she enjoys. Does she like to read erotica or erotic romances? There are clues there as well. Go through the books she has and read through the sex scenes in the books. If she has several books with the same kinds of activities, there is another clue. Read erotica together and listen to her comments and see what she prefers. Some women like to share and others keep it private.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
In reply to: tripten
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 4:07am
We watch porn together and share our fantasies. We especially like to watch group sex DVD'S and talk about our fantasies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: tripten
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 9:17am
Hi there. Anything is possible. It's just a matter of if she wants to share them. Some people just like to keep them to themselves. Or she could be embarrassed about them.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
In reply to: tripten
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 12:06pm

Once DH and I agreed to do some role play, that had us talking a bit more.

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: tripten
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 12:13pm

Hi tripten, and welcome. :)


I think the others have given you some good advice already, but you may also find this link from sexpert Tracey Cox helpful: http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,traceycox_85h52dfd,00.html

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2008
In reply to: tripten
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 2:35pm
Thanks everyone. I just want her to have the fullest life possible. I guess if/when she feels she wants to share, that when she will. Maybe she doesn't have the fantasy "gene". In the meantime, I'll continue to show my unconditional love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
In reply to: tripten
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 5:39pm

How long were in character?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: tripten
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 10:30am

Tripten,


Just keep talking to her, and let her talk when she feels she can fully open up she will!

memeu siggy 4-08


memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2008
In reply to: tripten
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 8:54pm

Thanks - I guess I feel like I'm running out of time. We've been married almost 20 years. Not sure how much more talking will help. Its certainly not a "problem". We really have a great marriage and talk about "almost" everything.

I do know she doesn't care to talk about her solo "toy play" while I'm at work. I can't quite figure out how to make her feel comfortable enough to share it (assuming it is an issue of "comfort"). I think I've used about every opening I can think of...

"...did you do anything exciting today?"
"I really hope you had a chance to some something for yourself today..."
"Did you get to have any 'feel good' time today"
Also the blatant - "I hope you have fun with your toys today"
etc.

On the other hand, she is an independent minded which is one of the things I love/respect. I want to be a part of as much of her life as possible, including the fun stuff - not just... "the kids did this today", I went to the gym", "I had lunch with Karen", etc.

Hmmm. Now I sound selfish... Never mind...

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