Friday thinking Question......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Friday thinking Question......
7
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 9:15am
Secrets: Should secrets exist in a relationship or not? What are the positive and negative effects of revealing secrets in a relationship? Are there some things that your life partner would be hurt by knowing?

MEME


All sex should be called LovePlay, From the first kiss until the final embrace during after glow. It all part of one big sexual banquet, when you enjoy the banquet the appetizer is just as important and enjoyable as the main course. Michael Castleman.


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memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:06am

It depends on the secret.

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Registered: 07-13-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:31am

I don't think there's any secret I could have, that would be one that would normally create a problem, that my DW and I couldn't work through, whether it was her secret or mine.


And I loved (past tense, since I can't think of much I've not told her) sharing my secrets with her. It makes me feel closer to her.


The only thing I might say I would ever keep from her is something someone else told, and asked not to tell. But it would have to be a very damaging huge secret for me not to tell. I completely trust her with everything.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 6:05pm
DH and I share most stuff, however, there are times when friends ask me not to tell anyone things they have told me and I keep them to myself. I am sure there are "guy things" that DH does not share with me. Secrets that would affect you in a bad or dramatic way should not be kept from each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 1:36pm

I know it's no longer Friday, but I have been busy so here goes...


There are many things Dh doesn't know about my past because he does not want to know. Now, I think we have been together so long that I wouldn't want him to know some things. I would still tell him if asked but I really do not want to come out and tell him. Dh can be jealous, as can I. If I tell him things I have done with other partners he may think of it when we are doing those things and vice versa for me. It would ruin those special moments with us. Then again maybe not. I don't wanna chance it. What is in the past is in the past. I NEVER think of other lovers and do not want to!


If a friend were to tell me something in confidence I probably wouldn't tell him, unless it affected us in some way. But, I always tell me BF that I have to tell Dh. I hate keeping secrets!!


We were all different people before marriage and I think that has no affect on who we are now. We all make mistakes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 5:33pm

I don't think a life partner needs to know absolutely everything. If that is keeping secrets then yes I think secrets should exist. I think we put too much weight on telling all. I think it's more important that we not mislead our partners or lie to them. If we have a policy or understanding that we don't know everything about one another and that we routinely don't disclose, then I think we have no secrets. The term secret to me connotes a process of trying to hide something.

morse

Avatar for tiggerdana
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 7:05pm

I am new here so I didn't know about the question. When me and my dh got together I tried keeping a big secert I din't want to tell him about being sexual abused but when it started to affect our relationship He said that no matter what my secert was he would still love me and with his help I have come to terms with it so I always tell him everything now and I think he tells me everything but if he didn't it won't bother me

TTFN
Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 11:20pm

I'm either too late or a bit early for Friday.

Just re-read what tish posted if you want to know my opinion. She pretty well-covered the bases. There are little white lies and secrets that grease the wheels of a relationship, cause no drama and hurt no-one. And then there are the big secrets that can hurt a relationship, hurt individuals, perhaps endanger them, or just plain severely embarrass them, or cause trouble, pain and suffering.

Drawing the line can be tricky, there is no doubt of that. Sometimes "innocent" secrets can come back to haunt you. Although not as common as some of the secrets that clearly need to be shared, sometimes there can be something that seems best to keep "secret" at one time, but may become relevant and significant later on too.