Here's a question for ya

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Here's a question for ya
3
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 8:28am

In past year i have posted all the nasty things i have been through with my husband of 18 years. Lying about lap dances, sending his picture to other women on the internet. Text messages from another woman and after it was all over we had some very meaningful discussions. What he would like sexually and what i would like. I have bent over backwards and gone out on a limb to put some spice into the relationship (actually there was spice there before so it wasn't lack of sex that caused all the above situations that occured) However, he was attentive to my needs for about a month after all this. And has now gone back into the ways that we occuring before (that is how i caught on to him being upto something) I told him what i would like sexually and as i said he paid attention to it for about a month and now nothing. He wants me to put on sexy clothing and do the things that he would like to turn him on but i get nothing. It is to the point that the other day i got back into bed early morning after going to the bathroom. He taps me on the leg, climbs on top of me..does his thing and get off me and rolls back over and goes to sleep again. Then the next day he is kinda goofing around and says that he is the one who has to initiate sex...i couldn't believe it. I told he had no concern whatsoever if i had any satisfaction from the session that morning..he didn't even speak do me during and i told him i may as well be a blow up doll...WTF? Could it be that he really doesn't care in the long run and only was doing it a while ago to get out of hot water?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:53am

It could be. Or it could be that he has a very short memory.


Maybe it would help if you compiled an actual list? Since guys are so visual, they often respon better in arguments when you have something written down. Maybe if you went back and sort of chronicle how many times it was "for you" and how many times it was "for him", and show him how it has tailed off?

Or even go so far as to schedule whose turn it is?

Maybe you could try this - write down what you would want in a session, say oral from him until you orgasm, then doggie style, and he can write his, and put them all in a jar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 10:10am
I appreciate your response. I understand that men are very visual. I took him to a message parlour and i received a massage from a lady attend and had him watch (this was one of the things he told me he would like)..did that...after that i took him to a strip bar..i dressed how i know he things is appealing..pushup bra etc etc...i invited him into the shower last week and did him a favour if you know what i mean...after he left the shower i shaved washed etc..only to get out and nothing for me...now don't get me wrong it is not a 'what about me" situation all the time...but it is now a habit..i just want to know...am i done in the water and i am going to have to point it out to him or what?? he hasn't even attempted one request i had made to him.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 11:02am

Well Deanna - it sounds like you are doing MORE than your part! I have to applaud your efforts.


It does look like you're gonna have to hit him over the head with, if he is just taking and taking and not giving back....

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