How to ask wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
How to ask wife
13
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 6:32pm
Married 17 years. Sex life was pretty good before kids, then a 10 year lull with more dry spells than active. Last year or so we have picked up and things better. She let's me perform oral on her (which she wouldn't for 10 years). However, she only will have sex in missionary position, no oral, nothing new. I've asked about changing positions but she says she doesn't want too. Which causes me not to ask for oral or anything else- assuming a position change is easiest and least threatening request. I asked about using a vibrator ( which I bought and brought home) and she declined. I'd really like her to perform oral on me-big fan. But after being shot down, I really don't know best time/place to ask. Looking for thoughts, suggestions, help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 12:15am

I know that when I'm already turned on I loosen up and am willing to try things I normally would say no to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 8:44am

How old are the children? Does your wife work outside of the home? Is she exhuasted by the end of the day? Do you help with chores around the house? Did she ever perform oral on you?

Is it possible to get a sitter for a night or weekend? You make plans for a little get-away. Just the two of you, surprise her. Maybe try talking to her outside the bedroom using "I" statements. I like when ....



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 1:23pm
Thanks for the advice. I do think talking outside the bedroom is good idea. A get away is a good idea. Regarding her orgasms, I always try and make sure she finishes, but I think she stops herself short- afraid to totally let go. Not entirely sure how to help with that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 3:25pm
Kids are 12/9. She does not work outside home. We have someone who cleans the home. I do the yard work and bills. She mostly volunteers and ushers kids around. (which admittedly is stressful, but most people do that, work and clean) so I'm puzzled. Are some women (men for that matter) just lazy lovers (if that makes sense)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 8:12am
You can't really do anything as far as her letting go. She has to have it in her mind and be relaxed enough mentally to do that, in my opinion.


And yes, some people are just lazy lovers. But if sex was better before the kids came along, then I think it's still there. You just need to reawaken it.

David7200 wrote:

Not entirely sure how to help with that.

Kids are 12/9. She does not work outside home. We have someone who cleans the home. I do the yard work and bills. She mostly volunteers and ushers kids around. (which admittedly is stressful, but most people do that, work and clean) so I'm puzzled. Are some women (men for that matter) just lazy lovers (if that makes sense)



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 7:09am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 3:18pm

lol... Are you using some kind of invisible font?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 7:31pm

Hi

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 9:20am
I know this is an old post and I am a little late but I just wanted to stop and say that I would give anything to have a husband that was interested in trying new things, there is nothing NOTHING I would say no to so long as it didn't involve bringing someone else into the bedroom. I am not against that in theory, just not with someone I love and am married to. Anyway, I don't have any great advice for you as I am battling the same mis-matched libido problem but at the least I can tell you that I sympathize and that if you encounter a magic solution, please let me know! :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 4:59pm
Thanks Atlanta. No answer yet. I guess you just keep trying.

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