How to ask wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
How to ask wife
13
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 6:32pm
Married 17 years. Sex life was pretty good before kids, then a 10 year lull with more dry spells than active. Last year or so we have picked up and things better. She let's me perform oral on her (which she wouldn't for 10 years). However, she only will have sex in missionary position, no oral, nothing new. I've asked about changing positions but she says she doesn't want too. Which causes me not to ask for oral or anything else- assuming a position change is easiest and least threatening request. I asked about using a vibrator ( which I bought and brought home) and she declined. I'd really like her to perform oral on me-big fan. But after being shot down, I really don't know best time/place to ask. Looking for thoughts, suggestions, help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 5:18pm
Perfectly said deanwith3. I am the same, the hotter I am the more of a "bad girl" I will be. I think you are right on the money on your other thoughts as well. One other trick might be a little wine, that is another think to lower my inhabitions as well. (As DH reminds me they don't call it liquid panty remover for nothing :) )
Karin W
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 4:48pm
I wanted to expand on the "not-mom" activities. I know after being pregnant with LO, I felt (and sometimes still do) like crap about my body. Giving her little compliments here and there can really give her a boost and rekindle some of the romance. Also, when you're a SAHM, it's really difficult to feel like you're appreciated and valued. Deep down, you seem that you do, but sometimes we need it confirmed vocally from our husbands. Let her know how great of a job she's doing. Maybe even a little gift for a pedicure can make her feel great.

Moral of the story: little things matter to women and sex is just as much emotional as it is physical. Patience will also go a long way. It won't happen over night so yes keep on trying. If you find yourself at your witts end, maybe seeing a sex therapist might help (if she'll go for it).
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 5:23am
Hello david

Me and my DW are married for 18 years. Have 4 kids and been through different stages of relationship included different stages in sex relationship.
It was hard for me also to make her believe that sometimes I desire to go down on her more than anything else. Firstly she agreed into that when I strongly promised quite long cuddling and massage and enjoyment for her. Then she started to enjoy, but still felt very bad, cause I did anything and she did nothing. Now I'm free to go south when feel like and she enjoys it. I just have to be careful not to hurry too much and go to directly.
I think that deantwith3 made her point and gave you golden advice - actually two. Your DW have to build up an excitement and when she climb on some level she would fell wish and agree to something what she would decline two hours ago - oral for example.
And other: Your DW pleasures should become your priority. I mean you both should find a way, place and time to make her finish in orgasm. As many times as possible. And regularly. Me and my wife found out that this is so important. We agreed that we'll make love every week at least once. And we see that since she feel pleasures regularly and also rich orgasm regularly, she feel much more sexy and think more about sex and want more sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 4:59pm
Thanks Atlanta. No answer yet. I guess you just keep trying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 9:20am
I know this is an old post and I am a little late but I just wanted to stop and say that I would give anything to have a husband that was interested in trying new things, there is nothing NOTHING I would say no to so long as it didn't involve bringing someone else into the bedroom. I am not against that in theory, just not with someone I love and am married to. Anyway, I don't have any great advice for you as I am battling the same mis-matched libido problem but at the least I can tell you that I sympathize and that if you encounter a magic solution, please let me know! :)
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 7:31pm

Hi

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 3:18pm

lol... Are you using some kind of invisible font?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 7:09am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 8:12am
You can't really do anything as far as her letting go. She has to have it in her mind and be relaxed enough mentally to do that, in my opinion.


And yes, some people are just lazy lovers. But if sex was better before the kids came along, then I think it's still there. You just need to reawaken it.

David7200 wrote:

Not entirely sure how to help with that.

Kids are 12/9. She does not work outside home. We have someone who cleans the home. I do the yard work and bills. She mostly volunteers and ushers kids around. (which admittedly is stressful, but most people do that, work and clean) so I'm puzzled. Are some women (men for that matter) just lazy lovers (if that makes sense)



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 3:25pm
Kids are 12/9. She does not work outside home. We have someone who cleans the home. I do the yard work and bills. She mostly volunteers and ushers kids around. (which admittedly is stressful, but most people do that, work and clean) so I'm puzzled. Are some women (men for that matter) just lazy lovers (if that makes sense)

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