How can sex be more spontaneous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2012
How can sex be more spontaneous?
4
Fri, 04-19-2013 - 12:05am

My husband and I have been married for almost five years. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and another one due in September. Our sex life has always been great but it used to be so much more exciting. We seem to always do the same thing-it works, but it isn't thrilling. I think it's because we are both so exhausted most of the time that we just do what we know will work. But the other night my husband got out the video camera which we hadn't used in forever. We usually end up erasing the videos-it's just the thrill of being on camera really gets me in the mood and really excites my husband. It also gets him to become more adventurous. I want this type of sex to happen more often. How do I let my husband know this without making him think that our sex life isn't good enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Fri, 04-19-2013 - 2:44pm

So, he got out the video camera the other night......maybe next time, after you get your DD to sleep, why don't you do something.....come out in some lingerie, get a toy or a porn, something like that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2013
Mon, 04-22-2013 - 8:24pm

With one toddler and you being pregnant (soon with a baby), it's very difficult to be as spontaneous and adventurous as you used to be when you first met. You want the thrill and excitement, just remember that part of that thrill was the new relationship.

When you're talking about spontaneous sex you actually mean you want to add thriill. Something sexual that you didn't do before. Excitment in your love life. Now you have the joy of work, child(ren) and family life. Not only is it challenging to find time for good sex, but how do we make it exciting?

Your partner demonstrated to you he can be spontaneous. No reason why you can't do the same. There are many ways to do that. One idea I like is to play a game called "Tasting Game". This can be great especially if you tend to take food into bed with you at night after you put your child to sleep.

When you come back from the kitchen, bring a few small dishes with various foods, such as honey, wine, jam, tomatoe sauce and others. Dim the lights and have ready a blindfold. When your partner isn't paying attention, take one of the foods and spread it on your vagina. Now turn to your him, and in the most sexy voice, tell him to put on the blindfold. When his eyes are covered, take down your pants and tell him he has to guess what is spread on the entrace to your cave of mystory. Let him lick it in full.... If he guesses correctly, switch turns.

This is just one idea for a game you can just bring up and play. There are many other ideas and role-playing fantasies you can spontaneously bring up anytime to add thrill and excitement to your love life. Contact me directly if you want more ideas!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 11:24am

Have you tried telling him what you said here?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 6:01pm

My husband and I were in the same position after 25 years together.  We both wanted something to change, but were afraid to hurt the other by suggesting it.  One day, I showed him something I'd been reading and said I'd like to try that.  He was very surprised, but pleased so I kept on making suggestions.  It was really difficult at first, as old habits are very hard to break.  We have been working at it for almost 4 years now with great results.  We communicate much better;  there is far more intimacy; and we are having a lot of fun. For us, improved communication was the key.