Husband inhibited?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2010
Husband inhibited?
9
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 11:56pm

Me and my husband got together when we were very young with no sexual experience at all. Sex was always very vanilla and that was fine but since then I've learned a lot more information and want to up the passion levels. The thing is, my husband is very much a prude and not very confident in the bedroom to start with so anything outside vanilla is very challenging to him. Sometimes I feel like telling him to 'man up' a bit in that area but I wouldn't do so. I know it is me that has changed, not him, and while I'm trying to introduce some things that he has welcomed (things I can do for him) I wish he would reciprocate or do something different, push the boundaries a bit. I'm living a very active fantasy life but starting to lose a bit of interest in the real thing. How should I handle this difference? I suppose I can just accept vanilla?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 10:39am

I'm living a very active fantasy life but starting to lose a bit of interest in the real thing.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 4:08pm
It is important to him and when we have talked it always comes back to his lack of confidence. That makes it difficult as if I try to talk to him it doesn't help the confidence. I shared a piece of tasteful erotic writing with him that I liked and while he seemed to think it was good and what was contained was very simple and rather 'vanilla', it was just a bit more imaginative and he did say it would never have occured to him to do that. It's really just lack of imagination. Ah well, love him how he is I guess and just take what's on offer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2011
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 4:53pm

Your situation sounds a lot like mine (except I am the husband).

I like tulip's "sandwich" advice and think I will try it myself. It was well put.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 5:38pm

It is important to him and when we have talked it always comes back to his lack of confidence. That makes it difficult as if I try to talk to him it doesn't help the confidence.

That's a good answer, something to work with.

Explain you're not looking for him to know exactly what you want right away. You aren't asking that he fly into the room like Don Juan. It's ok if he is unconfident. You already know that & it's something you might even like about him.

All you're asking for is to try it out. You read this thing, it sounded interesting, maybe you could try it with someone you respect & love so much.

Sometimes it's going to go badly. Someone will fall down or it might hurt. But you laugh, together, & try again, together, or give up, together. (Hint: laughing at the "failed" attempts, make is soooo much easier!)

It's the together you're looking to do. Not whatever the actually "kinky" or "vanilla" thing is. The action you choose to try is just about going forward together on your journey. Making changes, not staying in a rut, trying new adventures.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 5:42pm

TG - as the husband, you might make it a little more direct. More assertive.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
Avatar for memeu2
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-1999
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 7:38pm

I toally agree with tulips-together here!

Very good advice!!

You love him, but you shouldn't have to 'settle' either.

memeu siggy 4-08

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2011
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 6:41am

Hellow i am new comer here, nice to be part of your post thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 8:38am

Hi. You got some great advice here. The only other things I would suggest is.... Does know you post here? Maybe he could come around and read some of the posts? Maybe the two of you could fo to an adult store and pick out a couple of books together? But above all, sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fun for both involved. Get goofy together, try different places, postiions, etc,



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Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 10:54am

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