I am not sure what to do
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I am not sure what to do
| Fri, 01-20-2006 - 4:50pm |
Dh and I have been married for almost 9 years, we have four kids and a pretty busy life. He is 30 and I am 27. We have had a pretty great life. We have also have some pretty serious "bedroom" problems. The first being that dh grew up looking at porn and getting off on it. Now for some people that is not an issue, but in our marriage we both consider it to be adultry. He was and maybe still is hooked on internet porn. That has caused some big difficulities in our marriage. Dh is a Pastor and we both believe that it is wrong. Even though he views it as wrong he got addicted to it. So ever since he told me about this problem he never wants to have sex, we maybe do it like 3 times a month and it is only just doing it, its not like before when we would have amazing sex, it has gotten to be like another job around the house. I have tried to do everything to get him in the mood, but nothing is working. I am feeling rather frustrated, and he never wants to talk about it. So here I am wondering if any of you could possibly help me. Anyone know what I should do.......
R
R
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If I were in your shoes I think the first thing I'd want to do is have a discussion about wether or not he is still into the pornography. If you agree in your marriage it is a form of cheating I'd start there. I'd want to know what if anything I could do to help him control his addiction. I would be calm but firm that you need to talk about these things and that you feel ignoring them is only making them worse.
I am sorry for the place you find yourself. It is no fun to feel unattractive and like a chore to be taken care of. I was in that position once a long time ago and it doesn't feel very good. It took alot of really hard talks with my ex til he got how important the closeness of us being together was to me. Childhood patterns can be pretty hard to break and those were the type issues he had as well. Please take care and be well.