Lack of sex is brewing anger, resentment

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Lack of sex is brewing anger, resentment
6
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:03pm

My spouse and I have been together for 5 yrs.

 

I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Sun, 03-04-2012 - 12:49pm
I'm having a similar issue...husband is constantly worried about the lack of money coming in. He works, but he's a writer who doesn't get paid until something sells. I think he's struggling because he's seen some success & recently there has been nothing & he's really worried. I get it...I've been a ball of stress lately too , I just finished an intense 13 month grad program. I think we've had sex twice in 2012 & we've only been married for 6 months! I'm starting to get nervous. He's 41, I'm 38. We've talked about it, we know it's an issue but that just stresses him out more! And I'm getting resentful of the fact that I'm the one who always has to bring it up. Sigh..
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 5:09am
Stress? I doubt it. I can't see why. If he was stressed without a job (for three years was it???), and he's still stressed WITH a job, and then without again... well, it all starts sounding like an excuse to me. Job stress is a very easy thing to blame your lack of libido on.

It sounds to me as if this is simply what he's like. He's simply not that interested in sex. I can't understand that myself, but it would seem that there are people that just aren't that interested in it....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 9:27am

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 2:31pm

Your husband needs to see his doctor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 10:08am

nhgal brings up some very good points. I would sgree that counseling would be a good idea, but have you tried talking to him, NOT about sex and affection, but in a more tender way asking about him, maybe make it more about health.......has he started any new habits, or put on some weight? Depending on how old he is, there are other possibilities, low testosterone levels for example.

As for you, I know it is hard. Try and find some things that are just for you, and go and get out of the house and do them. Make him fend for himself sometines, you might be doing a bit of enabling and feeding his depression. Go and make yourself happy. Give things a rest for a little while, and then see if he can talk about things. I'm sure he is feeling like he is on trial, through no fault of your own. That's what depression does to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 7:12am

Yeah, he's stressed and depressed. I would suggest maybe some counseling. How old is he, is he on any medications, when was the last time he's had a complete physical? He really should bring this up with his dr as there could be an underlying medical condition, or he could need some wah of helping him overcome the depression.

If you are doing all the things at home after working all day, I would also suggest that the two of you sit down and talk about him helping with some of the household chores.

He gets angry when you bring it up probably because he feels worse, and feels like a failure. He has to see it as a problem and want to get some help for it. If he doesn't, and it doesn't get any better, then you have two choices, stay with him and be pissed off or leave him and find someone who is more compatible with you.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006