Low desire

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2013
Low desire
5
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 11:55am

I am an almost 41 yo woman who is suffering from low desire, more like no desire at all. I feel like I am dead from the waist down. If I never have it again, I would be just fine, but my partner has a very high desires and is suffering. I feel horrible, but cant help it. I am seeking all natural ways/idea's on how to get it back, not just taking one for the team.... Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Tue, 12-17-2013 - 3:44am
I think, there is nothing wrong with taking a few sessions with a good sex therapist. This lack of desire could also be the result of stress or some pentup emotions. A good meditation technique could help you here
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2013
Thu, 10-17-2013 - 4:19pm

Get a vibrator and play with it. Seriously. Barring a medical issue or a serious problem in your relationship, lack of desire very often stems from lack of use. Wake that part of your body up!

Kinkly.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: fissatore
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 12:52am

Sex isn't only physical, it's mental!  When you have sex, you want more sex.  If you stop altogether, the desire goes away.  Since you two got divorced.......are you holding some resentment against him from when you were married?  Why did you get divorced if you love each other........and are back together again?  How was your sex life before you got divorced?   And if you suspect you're in perimenopause, then you should have a good physical, and it's possible that HRT could help you get back your desire. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2013
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 1:22pm

Thank you for your reply. We are actually divorced, but back together. We were married 19 yrs, divorced almost 3 yrs. We really love each other, missed each other when we were apart, but the desire just isnt there anymore. He says we are more like best friends who live together. That really hurts me knowing he feels that way. My periods are starting to be whacky so I assumed with my lack of desire and that, I was starting perimenopause.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-19-2013 - 12:05pm

First of all I'd have a medical checkup to make sure everything is ok.  I have actually heard that giving women a low dose of testosterone will increase desire.  I certainly don't know all the medical options.  How is your relationship otherwise?  When I was married to my 1st DH I was even younger than you and I found it hard to get excited.  I think it was 2 reasons:  1) he was critical of my looks, often telling me I should lose weight--you can imagine that didnt' help and 2) we had young kids and I was tired and felt like he wasn't around much and that sex was one more chore that I had to do for him--I didn't look at it as fun for me.  Now w/ 2nd DH, who I met when I was in my 40's, it was like a new awakening.