Me, My Husband & the other woman

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Me, My Husband & the other woman
23
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 9:55pm





Edited 9/1/2009 9:07 am ET by aznlily520


Edited 9/1/2009 9:08 am ET by aznlily520

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 10:59pm

"things have been rocky between me and my husband, but we are working things out"


I don't post on here too much, but I have read quite a bit of what has been offered as advice on the boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 6:46am
Welcome to the board, aznlily. Sallie gave you excellent advice. Also I suggest you go to the Taboos Board and ask there in the Open Relationships folder.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/main.asp?webtag=iv-rltaboos&nav=start

But I really don't think you're ready for this, and it would be mixing too many things together right now, especially since you've been working on your marriage. That should be the most important thing right now, not having your husband's fantasy fulfilled, especially if you're uneasy about it and the consquences it will have.

I'm Nenu, co-cl here along with Meme, let us know how things work out for you.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 7:01am

I'm curious why you've been telling him for a few years to find a woman and then you would do it if you didn't really want it to happen.


Threesomes can work out well, they can also destroy a relationship even when both partners want a 3some.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 9:51am

Well, I have just told him that the threesome is not and never going to happen. My husband is now very mad at me. So, I ask him "do you understand why?". His reply is that I don't and never will trust him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 10:11am
If you've been working on problems within your marriage, have you been doing it on your own, or getting some counselling? If you've been seeing a councellor, then I suggest you get back into his or her office and talk it over there, and also get the guidance of a neutral third party.

Otherwise, you and your husband need to talk, but he needs to calm down and not be angry with you when you do.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 5:35pm

"His reply is that I don't and never will trust him."


Aw, he's a poor baby!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 4:27am
It's great to see you back here, Sallie, and thank you for that advice to the OP. I think you've nailed a lot of things. I hope it helps her.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 6:03am
I agree with the advice you've gotten already, that attempting to fulfill your husband's threesome fantasy while your relationship is on anything less than rock solid ground would be a really bad idea. At the same time, I can understand why he is angry. If you've been telling him for years that all he had to do was find the right woman and then he could have his threesome, only to turn around when he does find the woman and tell him that it's never going to happen, then he is probably feeling like you have been lying to him all these years, and he is feeling hurt by that. Not that I'm suggesting that you go ahead with the threesome just because you said you would — from what you've posted here I think that would be a bad idea — but you need to be sensitive to his feelings when trying to explain to him why it isn't going to happen. Moving forward, it might also be a good idea to be more careful what you agree to.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 8:36am

welcome to SMS,


I agree with all that was said already. I don't think you are ready either. And yes you need to work on your life together and get that right before you can step into something like a 3some.


I can understand your DH for being mad in away but he needs to put his wife needs up front and do what is best for you both.


how long have you two been married?? or together??

memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 11:40am
I agree completely that her husband needs to suck it up and move on. His viewpoint, and his anger, are not without merit though, and she's going to need to acknowledge their validity if the two of them are going to be able to get past this. If she approaches him with the attitude that he's acting like a baby and needs to get over it, I don't think that would be particularly helpful, since she was the one who led him to have a reasonable expectation that a threesome would take place once he found the right woman.


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