Mirrors? Better oral tips?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Mirrors? Better oral tips?
16
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 3:15pm

Question 1

Why would you think that my husband gets more arroused watching us make love/ or while he gets "rough with me" in bed with mirrors in front of us? He says he loves to watch my butt move & clitoris rub up against his penis. He also mentioned he likes to watch my "newly bought boobs" bounce in the mirror. Hmmm? How is it that I look any different in a mirror? I do like watching us passionatly kiss while I'm looking in a mirror but I don't get how mirrors are such a thing for most men or my man? Is it for his ego to see himself thrusting me? Kinda makes me feel as though he's not 'there' with me in our moment together & that he's too busy watching in the mirror. Just curious for your food for thought.

Question 2

I've never been able to orgasm during oral sex. I have tried to rub myself as he is doing all the licking,sucking. My husband tries to get me to oragasm for a long time but its never happened. I am also only able to get my mulitple orgasms while I'm on top rubbing my clitoris in circles or back & forth motions on him...no bouncing up & down can get me to oragasm but for his viewing pleasure I do it for him anyway! Do you think I may just be one of those women whose bodies are not capable? Although I can orgasm over & over while being on top, we want to try to get me to orgasm while I he gives me oral sex.

helpful tips...advice? Thanks

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 11:06pm
On Question 2 - have you tried different positions? My wife can only cum from oral if I approach from the top (like in a 69 position, with me on top). Doesn't do much for her if I'm below between her legs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 10:11am

Yes, we've tried the 69 position while giving oral sex to eachother. I extremely like giving him oral sex anytime! However, when we're in 69 position it's dificult to fully be thinking about pleasing him 100%, as I'm trying to concentrate on the 'feel good feelings' that could happen while he's giving me oral sex. That does feel somewhat good but not good enough to get me going! If he sucks on my libia or clitoris lightly it feels nice but if he's too forceful with his tongue my skin the area becomes more irritated & overly sensative in a bad way. any other suggestions?

Do you have any feedback from a mans perspective on my question #1?
appreciate it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 11:23am
Welcome back Savedbygrace! I think the whole mirror thing is kind of like a safe version of a threesom or voyerism. Also, men are very visual and what better visual than that?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 1:43pm
Yes, but I'm 'visually in front of him' also not just in the mirror. Does his mirror fetish mean that he wants to be separated emotionally/mentally from what we are experiencing during sex? He just wants to be a 'looker' in other words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 2:20pm

Babe, I'm telling you this in the nicest possible way...he loves you, he wants to be with you, he thinks you are hot, now stop worrying and let the man enjoy sex with his beautiful wife! He gets to see more of you by looking in a mirror. He gets to see himself penetrating you, it's like he's starring in a porn. On a good self esteem day don't you like to watch the two of you in the mirror? ;OD!!!

Tanya

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 3:29pm

Question 1: As a guy, I agree with Tanya. She's exactly right. The mirror is helping him enjoy being with you even more than he already did. It's no different from wearing lingerie. Do you think he should prefer you naked? Who cares what he wants you to wear as long as he wants YOU to wear it (and you're comfortable with it of course). I think the mirror is the same. As long as it's you he wants to have sex with in the mirror, then the mirror is enhancing your love life.

Is it for his ego? Partly. But for men, ego is part of sex. We have to have our mojo, you know. Is he "not really there with you?" Well, only he knows that. Maybe sometimes he's fantasizing that he is the famous porn star and you are the slut du jour. Is that so bad? I say no, as long as it's not every time. Maybe you could even play along. Just an idea.

But...if it's really bothering you, then you should feel free to bring it up with him. Tell him your concern, and then believe his response. And if discussing it doesn't make you feel better, then you should feel free to ask him to take the mirror down. Just be advised that if you do so, he may resent it. And he will still be having the same fantasies, it will just be less obvious to you. Wouldn't you rather have an idea what he's fantasizing about?

Question 2: Have you shown him how you get yourself to orgasm? I mean have him park his face between your legs while you are getting yourself off and he can see how you touch yourself. Better yet, talk him through the demo. "When I start, I like to go up and down like this." "When I'm getting close, I start pressing a lot harder." etc. Maybe he can learn to touch you the way you touch yourself. Also, make sure he knows there's no shame in using a finger or two during oral sex. That will give his mouth a break (it gets tiring). And while he's going down on you, give him constant feedback. yes/harder/softer/slower/etc. If he's having to guess what will feel good for you, he's probably not going to get it right.

Good luck!
Flyboy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 6:56pm

Question #1
I like to watch my wife too in a mirror while we are having sex.
I think that we men are more "visual" that women.
You can try to look at yourselves while doing it, try different positions.
I do not think there is anything wrong with your husband.
If it bothers you the fact that he is paying too much attention to the mirrors instead of paying attention to you, let him know and you two can find a way to work out this.

Question #2
Try that your husband finger you while he is giving you oral.
He can use a vibrator while giving you oral.
You can also try to insert one of his fingers in your ass at the same time he is giving you oral.

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 7:36pm
Gracesavedme, I am also a man, and watching yourself having sex with your wife gives you views that you cannot see from your usual position. Because he is watching the mirror does not imply that he is distant or removed from his intimacy with you. It is just a different view which can be quite erotic. Take it from another man who also likes to do this occassionally.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 7:46pm
I'm a very visual person, I'm more visual than Dh is and I love watching what we're doing, we
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 8:30pm
gracesavedme, I think I understand how you feel. The mirror on our dresser is in position that I can watch depending on our position. I have to admit though, I do enjoy watching. Men are just visual animals, maybe a fantasy and I do not think there is anything wrong with that, but I do understand why you might dislike it. If my wife notices that I am watching the mirror she seems to be put off a little, but she will not say anything about it.
Have you thought about making a short video? You could do that and he might agree to take down the mirror. You can watch the video later, or watch it before to get in the mood. At least he wont be distracted during the act.

Pages