My conservative wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
My conservative wife
38
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 9:54pm

Ladies,
Are most women like my wife and:
Do not like porn? (won't even try it)
Threesomes (DEFINITELY out!) Even with another guy and not just a girl
Strip clubs (NO WAY!)
Doesn't like receiving oral either.

None of these are for religious reasons, she just says they are not normal. Are other women like this too? I ask because I was a virgin when we met and am not very experienced with other gals.

Is she normal as most women do not like these other things?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 7:29am

All women are different the same as all men are different.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 7:34am

How old are you guys and how long have you been married?

I found that my mid-20's (when we were married) wife was quite conservative but became much more open over the first several years of our marriage. Heck, it was probably a year or more before she would allow me to insert a finger without complaint, an activity which she later grew to love. :)

Now, some 20 years later, she has become quite a bundle of fun. Still no 3somes (something I would sorta I think maybe like to try), but most everything else is fair game. Oral, anal, light bondage, you name it.

If I were you, I would find a way to get he to check out some of these boards. You want her to see that yes, normal women do these things and actually enjoy doing so. As I recall, a turning point for my wife was when I purchased a copy of Penthouse (which was much less raunchy in those days) and left it lying about on the dining room table. I admit it, I was determined to assert my sexuality, even if she was determined to hide hers. Anyways, she picked it up while I was out of the house and began thumbing through it. By the time I returned home, she was so horny that she jumped me right there in the dining room. This was so totally out of character at that early point in our marriage that I was shocked, to say the least. I gotta tell you, that episode was a real turning point for us...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 9:27am
IMO most of those thing are normal with the exception of not wanting to receive oral.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 10:15am

Welcome to the board tampa-man.


I think every women has limitations on what they want, like, will do and the spouses should respect them.


Here's my personal take on why she might not like these things:



Do not like porn? (won't even try it)


Not liking porn could be for many reasons. It's not a turn on. It's degrading to women. She doesn't want to see another man naked. She's not a vouyuer.



Threesomes (DEFINITELY out!) Even with another guy and not just a girl


This is 100% no way around it infedelity. Whether consensual or not. And for some people (like me) that's just not an option.



Strip clubs (NO WAY!)


More degrading, objectification of women... and as a woman I don't like it... I have been to them they are OK - some of them but I can't see being comfortable with my DH going to a club to look at other naked women.



Doesn't like receiving oral either.


There are instances when I don't want to receive oral either... I feel uncomfortable, or "unclean" and therefore very self conscious.


Focus on what likes you and your wife have in common!!! Without these things, your sex life CAN be exciting!!

MadsenFallSiggy3.png picture by jenniemadsen1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 10:51am

She's no different than any other woman out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 1:03pm

Every woman (and man) is different when it comes to their sexual likes and dislikes.

Judy 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 4:18pm
I think she may just feel a bit embarrassed or is not comfortable with her own appearance to be able to be free and open sexually with you. It wasn’t until several years into my marriage that I felt comfortable giving/receiving oral sex or watching porn, or allowing my husband to go to strip clubs. I don’t know how or why I changed my mind on these things. I think I just became more confident in myself and was able to open my mind up to new things. But it has definitely changed our marriage. We have sex pretty much every day now and it’s always fun and exciting. I don’t know about the threesome. I don’t know if I would be comfortable with my man having sex with another woman. I think you may just have sit down and talk with her honestly about what you want, and try to find out from her what her reasons are for not wanting to try any of these things. Hope things work out for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 11:20pm

Hi,
Thank for all your replies. To answer some of the questions in your replies:

We are in our early 40s and have been married 15 years. We've never tried anything that I mentioned as the wife doesn't want to. I wanted to take her to a strip club (for ladies) just to see if she liked it. I wouldn't go to one alone.

I'm just trying to put some spark in our sex life as we only have sex about twice a month yet I'd like it alot more. I was trying to think of ideas to enhance this but shes not open to any of them. I just think she does not like sex.

And she does not approve of me wacthing porn alone. She even gets upset if she knows I'm masturbating yet she doesn't want to do it so whats a guy to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 12:25am

Tampa - My original motivation to find these boards was a situation similar to yours. While we thankfully hadn't got as low as twice a month, it was very clear to me that I wanted WAY more sex than DW. I finally found:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlclashing

which helped to answer a lot of my questions. While there doesn't appear to be a cure, at least you'll know what you're dealing with.

Good luck,

Boddies

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 10:46pm

Tampa-man,

We were in a similiar boat. We once in a while play strip poker for fun and when someone is out of clothes the price is some sex act. You can stretch the boundries. Like one night she asked me what I would want for a prize and I said out of the blue - give me a haircut down below or let me lick wipped cream from your chest. Next hand she won and she asked for her own trim. So you can ask for your own prizes to open new doors. It was something we would have never done without the game and bet. You win and so you can get something you want - like my wife does not like to sit on my face, but I love it, so that is one of my prizes and she actually is beginning to like it. At least she is smiling after I am done! We also play strip backgammon which takes a little longer and playing a game in your birthday suit is something my wife would have never done if not for the strip part of the rules.

The other thing we do in during football season, we bet on all NFL games against the spread for a prize. Winner picks the sexual prize. It also gets her interested in football - just like the weekly office pools only one against one for a prize that is mutually satisfying. We also bet for dinner once in a while with the oncore at home with winner's choice. Sometimes double or nothing is fun also and adds to the risk!

Try it, get out the cards and light some candles and play - it adds some fun and a spark and opens the door for a wider variety of things!

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