My husband does things during sex that I hate?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
My husband does things during sex that I hate?
10
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 8:44pm
So my husband and I are both fairly young (I'm 24 he's 25) and we have a 1year old daughter. Since her birth, I've had an extremely low sex drive. We've always been into toys and whatnot- I have no problem with that. But about 2 or 3 months ago he started doing things that I absolutely hate during sex. For example he will try to fist me, and he came home with the largest dildo I have ever seen. I thought it was a joke but he takes it out to use on me every single time we have sex. He seems to really enjoy it but ive told him numerous times I simple do not like it. Frankly it just HURTS. His response... "you like it."

How do I get it through his head that NO, I don't like it, and frankly it makes me feel degraded.

I get that he's trying to spice things out and overcome my postpartum sexual issues... But this just seems extreme.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Tue, 11-13-2012 - 9:46am

Hmmm, even though your husband's being a bit of a knuckle head, I don't think his intentions are bad. So, rather than ramming him in the butt with a giant strap-on as some other posters have suggested (lmao), perhaps you could instead introduce toys of YOUR choosing. Go buy a few you'd find pleasurable and present him with a selection. And hide the nefarious dildo in a deep, dark place (not that one).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 3:34pm

Maybe give him some other ideas to help spice things up, think of some things that do turn him on and some that may match up to your turn-ons and go from there.  As an example, my husband would get really turned on hearing about men that I've slept with before I met him.  It made me pretty uncomfortable but what we did get into was some role playing about guy (plummer, salesman police officer with him playing that role) up a married woman (me).  He loves it, I am into it becasue it is fantasy not real life stories.

Karin W
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2012
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 7:20am
Enticingly, seductively tie him securely face down spread eagled on the bed (as part of your sexplay) then take the dildo and attach it to a strap-on, slip on a lubed glove, begin fisting him and tell him to relax saying "hey, honey... you like it." I am sure that will be the last time he will ever force that on you. While you're at it, invite some girlfriends and/or take digital pictures - maybe even bring in thick BBC to scare the living crap out of him. That will end any chance of that 'joke' of returning to your bedroom. What an ass - pun intended.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 8:43pm
First, while he is gone to work, find the dildo and throw it in a dumpster. Go and buy thee a large strapon. When the festivities start, tell him you read where men LOVE to be pegged. Pull out the strapon and do him. Be sure to tell him "you LOVE it". " You love the pain, just enjoy it" The at least you can say you're as big a pain in his a** as he's been in yours. LOL
Really throw the dildo away. Sit him down, not in the bedroom, and have a very frank and honest talk. Tell him why you think your sex drive is low. Discuss ways to try to increase it. Do you have a negative body image? Have you had a trauma in your past. Are you afraid of getting pregnant or a disease. Are you suspicious of his activities. You have to be frank and open. If you think you need counseling, you should get it.
Some spouses will wait, others will look for acceptance elsewhere.
Many men equate love with sex. "If she loves me, she will want to have sex with me." and the converse of that is if she doesn't find me sexy and want to make love with me, then she doesn't love me." Neither is necessarily true, but many men and some women feel that way.
Communication is the key to any relationship, business or personal, and it is the only way that all concerned know how the other thinks and what they desired.
If you can't get him to stop the stupid stuff, consider what it will be like for the rest of your life and decide if you are willing to live like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 3:44pm

I think that he is trying to spice things up because your drive is low. He is maybe doing things that you don't like but at least he is trying. Some men would just give up or go somewhere else. My advice is to tell him what you want otherwise he will just keep on trying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2011
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 10:28am
Print your post and give it to him.