My husband doesn't believe that I love him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2012
My husband doesn't believe that I love him.
23
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 3:44pm

I've been married to my husband for 8 years and we have a 4 year old and a 14 month old.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2012
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 4:58pm

Your husband - rightly so, in my opinion - has ascertained that he has dropped to the very bottom of your "to do" list.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2012
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 6:59pm

Justanotherdude,

I really do appreciate the frank response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 11:32pm
What you need to realize is that what may seem like "several times per week" to you, is in all probability one or two times, at the most.
If he has any older married male friends, he's already been clued into just what his function is in a family with two children and he IS relegated to just being the meal ticket.
The first part of your marriage was the easiest for the both of you.
NOW is when it becomes harder where the expectations for BOTH of you need to be given consideration should you hope to remain together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 10:47am

Hey Sky,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2012
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 11:48am
I never think of him as just being the meal ticket. The part I was struglling with was to get him to understand my side of things, but wrting it all out and being told I was sounding unapologetic gave me some clarity. It doesn't really matter too much if he doesn't get my perspective completely yet. I can do what I can to make him happy and when things are calm, hopefully we can come to a mutual understanding.
Anyway, "several times a week" is literally "several times a week" It's not that I'm turning him down. I don't initiate at all and I'm not passionate enough, according to him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2011
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 12:01pm

Dear skyland55,


As other replyers,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2012
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 12:12pm
Thank you for the supporting comment! I really appreciate your taking the time.
Let me just say that he tries to understand my perspective, but he probably hasn't gotten it completely. But I think it will have to come a little later. I've realized that I don't need to hang up on details...
You hit it on the nail with "he doesn't have to let go of anything to get "in the mood."" though! It was especailly difficult for me when the baby was waking up at night to nurse.
And... he's a wonderful father. Kids do go "daddy!" all the time. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 1:03pm

It's really pretty simple if you think about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 1:38pm

Are you familiar with the Five Love Languages? (see link).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Wed, 03-07-2012 - 8:22pm

Like looking into a mirror, except I learned to live with it and have stuck around for 25 years. The kids adore their Mom and she is involved 110% in their lives 11 months a year and on the 12 month she rests. I am not part of the picture, six or seven times a week? hell I would be satisfied to get laid one more time before I die. Why do I stick around? Probably an emotional and soulful one. I signed up for better or worst. So I am stickin around no matter what. She seems to be at her best when being a full time mom and who am I to take that away from her. I don't know what to say to husbands who want more because I am one of them. However I have children and with children life changes and I take the blessings for what they are, an occasional I love you or a gift would be nice but I don't hope anymore. Life can be so short so as a participant a visitor or a face in a crowd I appreciate the hard work of all mothers. If mothers could have maybe three minutes to say Happy Fathers Day that would be nice too.

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