need advise please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
need advise please
3
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 11:31am
I really need advice from anyone who can relate to my situation. I have been married for 16 years and although our sex life isn't bad, I just think it's "ordinary." I feel like since I'm approaching 40 and my DH just turned 40, we should be "extraordinary" with our time together. The problem is that I've talked this issue with my husband until I'm blue in the face over it. We've tried watching steamy movies together, I ordered some sex toys, etc. It just seems like nothing works for any period of time. I'm always the one to want to initiate something different. My husband works lots of hours and I'm working, juggling our 3 kids busy schedules, and going to school. I know our life is hectic, but I want to feel like I'm high on the priority list and I want an incredible sex life. It's just not. We used to average 1-2 times per week, every week (sometimes more.) Now, it seems like it can be 2 weeks and we don't even realize it. Any suggestions? It really makes me feel like I'm not desired at all. I don't really think that's the case, but when I always initiate I feel that way. Even when my husband does the initiating, it's really only because I've said something first earlier in the day or because he's been away on business for a week!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:34pm
Do you ever get the opportunity to go away for a weekend without the kids? If not, that would be a good starting point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 10:47am

The idea of getting away for a weekend is a very good start.


All marriages have their ups and downs in the sex department over the years due to physical changes, emotional, outside influences and stresses.

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 9:36pm

My wife started very early in our marriage to encourage lots of touches, hugs, kisses, and sweet words during the day. This does help in "keeping the home fires burning".

I was brought up in a home where love was not demonstrated openly. Actually, my father was not very loving at all and my mother felt that boys should not be cuddled. So, it took a good woman to get me to the point that I am at today, where I love to demonstrate my love for my wife as much as she does for me. This attitude and atmosphere has to provide a very positive incentive to be more sexual. It worked for us and I am sure it can work for you. Start being more openly demonstrative lovingly with your husband. At first he may think you're nuts, but after a while he will welcome it and hopefully imitate it.