Need to ask for both of us

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Need to ask for both of us
8
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 12:58am

A little background info: This is a new marriage, since we both were divorced once before. I am turning 35 this next month and he is 40. Sex has only been during the past 6 months. With four children (3 of which are young), sex is normally during bed time hours. If we do anything during the day, we are normally disturbed/interrupted so things tend to have to happen quickly for us. We are trying to figure out why there are tooo many times that he will end up losing his erection during intercourse which results in him not reaching completion. He has been to the doctor and his doctor has told him that he is fine and that nothing seems to be doing him wrong. He is on some meds for high blood pressure and the doctor suggested that he switch from taking the meds in the morning instead of at night. Well, he did this over 2 months ago and still no change. We have been trying to determine the cause of the problem because after awhile, he does get a little frustrated that things end up having to stop. Some of our ideas for the cause are: maybe subconsciously he is afraid to keep on going (overdoing things might bring on another heart attack); he doesn’t have the same stamina he use to have (it normally takes him a long while before he gets off); he got so use to getting off when things are more rushed (like when he would masturbate) and our sex is mostly consisting of slow and long love making; and neither of us think he is stressed about anything, so we didn’t think this could be a cause. Now could those be what could be the problem? And if so, how would we go about getting around them? Does anyone have any other ideas that could be the problem that we could try to rule out as the cause and ways to fix them too?

~Rhonda

~ Rhonda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 8:26am

I would say all the things you mentioned could be the problem.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 10:00am

Welcome to the board!!


Are you two under a lot of stress right now?



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MadsenFallSiggy3.png picture by jenniemadsen1

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 10:35am

The only thing I would add to what Tish said, is that if you could get away for a weekend without the kids, that might give you a better idea of whether the problem is physical or mental. It can take a fair bit of mental stamina to get through it with young kids in the house, and with his other issues, it might be too much for him to handle. If you can get an opportunity to relax and work through it slowly without distractions, that may help.

Another thought that just came to me - if he's had a heart attack in the past, what's his general state of physical condition? Exercise & general good health can really help, too.

Cheers,

Boddies

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 11:24am

Thank you for your reply.
As for his meds, his doctor keeps telling him that the meds should not cause the problem but I am going to have him talk with the doctor again and find out if they will experiment with another form of his meds. But of course it could be the other reasons causing our problem instead. The possibility of the heart attack could be one we really have to discuss with his doctor more.
I know he gets frustrated and he thinks I in turn also get frustrated. I keep reassuring him that I am not and I know that I am not. He always makes sure that I am pleased before then. If this is the cause, it will be hard to get him to forget about it.

~Rhonda

~ Rhonda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 11:27am

I don't believe either of us are under alot of stress. We both try not to stress about anything. I know that sounds weird especially with young children.

~Rhonda

~ Rhonda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 11:35am

Getting away for the weekend... we both are waiting for the warmer weather to hit. Both of us love camping and once the weather permits, we will be doing just that alone at times and with the kids. But as for getting away normally, we do have times where we don't have the children, although it has been about 2 months since the last time.

His general condition... well he would say it could be better than what it is, but it is not bad. I think this might be something we will talk about.

~Rhonda

~ Rhonda

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 9:54pm

I agree with Tish. The culprit here is probably the blood pressure medication. There are many different medications to take care of high blood pressure. Regardless of what your doctor said, I would ask him to change to another. Then if the next one doesn't help, try still another one.

I was put on an anxiety pill a while back and I had the same result as your husband. I told the doctor and he changed it to another which did not have this affect on me. He also told me that the one that he gave me first rarely had sexual side effects. The thing is, everyone is different.

There are a great many problems today with sexual functioning that are related to side effects of medications, but many people are afraid to speak out and ask for a change of medication. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 12:06am

Thanks... I think you are right about that. His doctor said that his meds should not have affected his sex life, but you never know. I think we will check more into this.

~Rhonda

~ Rhonda