Need help with some Married Sex questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Need help with some Married Sex questions
8
Sun, 04-17-2011 - 10:49am

I'm a sometime poster here on iV.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2011
Mon, 04-18-2011 - 9:45am

Hi,

My DW was also sexually assulted and it took us years to get past some sexual positions that reminded her of he way she was assulted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 04-19-2011 - 11:22am

Hi there. I'm sorry about what happened to you, but I am so glad to hear that you've adjusted well with it. I have to ask, have you seen a counselor?

Letsride gave you some good information. Maybe that's all he's wanting. Have you tried talking to him and letting him know that you can't think of things on the spur of the moment like that. How about if you both make a list of things you want to try and act out one a week.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2011
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 1:00am
IMHO, try talking to him about how you feel. Your marriage and your sexual life have to be something both of you enjoy, not pressure, and not just what he wants.
Counselling may work, but I've learned that in some cases, what works is that both of you deal with the issue first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 2:21pm

Get one of Laura Corns books.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 10:31am

Two questions for you Echo.......why is it YOUR responsibility to come up with how you will do it? And, can you tell me what is something that he maybe wants that you are unwilling to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Sat, 08-27-2011 - 6:34pm
Oh honey :( I hate this for you. There really is no easy fix for this (you'll just have to trust me on this one) but my best advice would be similar to the previous posts. Just explain to him that you like what you like and that you'd be willing to come up with news things HE might like to do but that you're feeling inadequate and like a disappointment when he looks at you like he needs more. ((hugs))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 12:02am

His pressuring you and causing feelings of being inadequate is just going to drive the wedge further between you if you don't confront them and discuss them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2011
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 4:20am

I can understand where you are coming from. I also am a sexual assault survivor. It affected how I thought about sex and men. It took me a while to open up more and more. My husband is the first guy I was ever intimate with. He was my first and I was his. He was a little more adventurous than me at first. All it really took for me was time and reassurance. Everytime he was gentle and he asked me if certain things were okay and if I wasnt into it he'd stop. I told him what happened and told him things that triggered memories, certain statements were off limits and touches too...eventually i got more comfortable and became the adventurous one...now he is the hesitant one. I just remember that he loves me and wouldnt hurt me for anything in the world. If something ever starts to bother me, we usually stop and just cuddle until I feel comfortable again. So just tell him what happened if you havent already. Tell him the things that bother you and trigger unwanted memories...it helps

*>SammieGizmo<*