New here with a ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
New here with a ?
5
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 12:13am
Me and DH have been marreid for 7 1/2 years, and have been together for 11 years.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 9:52am

Melissa,


Welcome to SMS! and Congates on the new little one!


To start with everyone has a different 'sex level' some high some not so high...its just the way we are. Can we change it yes I think we can. but will he change is the question. Plus it has nothing to do with "age",

memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 10:11am

I agree with all of Meme's sentiments Melissa....


I would definitely stress that most of the male libido problems I've heard of are due to depression, mostly from career. The male ego is fragile about certain things, with family being a big influence. If he doesn't feel like his career is doing anything for him, it will definitely make him feel depressed, and at the same time less of a man, so to speak, and less wanting to live up to his "manly duties".


And I've worked that shift before. Personally, I hated it, and it TOTALLY screwed with my energy levels every single day. I couldn't WAIT to get off of that one.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 10:48am

Melissa,

Twelve hour shifts plus commuting, and three little ones at home. You have a whole lot on your plate right now. Your young and your husband is probably still trying to make his mark in the work world and that is terribly stressful.

Date night is the best advice anyone could give you. Like Meme, my friend and I took turns babysitting each others kids so parents had some adult time alone. And as Meme said they need not cost a lot or become a source of stress. One of the best nights we had was a Friday night after a really hard week. My hubby picked up a pizza, we ate and then fell asleep in each others arms on the sofa at 8pm. We needed that!

I wanted to mention not to fret over your forties while you're still in your twenties. It's a myth that libido diminishes. At 48 I'm going stronger than ever before. And I've heard the same from many other women here.

I wish you luck!!!

Morse

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:11pm
Thank you all! It is nice to know that when we are in our 80 and in a rest home, DH might still be giving me some. LOL. Belive it or not we like the sift he is on, it gives me and him more time together, but he doesn't see our 5 year old due to school untill the week-ends.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:11pm

Melissa, please don't personalise the problem by assuming that you are the problem. He is having problems being sexual right now and it is probably due to pressures at work. Also, being sexual in a marriage should last for the entire marriage as long as both partners are healthy. There is also the old saying about men, that if you don't use it, you lose it.

I am 75 and my wife is 71 and we have a much more active sex life than you do. I have a high libido and my wife's libido has increased as we have aged. She no longer worries about pregnancy, she no longer has kids in the house, and she has reached the point where she is really enjoying sex more today than in the distant past. Don't give up hope, and also have a serious talk with your husband about how you would like your needs met. After all, marriage should be based on each partner insuring that the other's needs are of primary importance.