No climax in 10 yrs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2012
No climax in 10 yrs!
4
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 2:53pm

I have an odd question. I hope no one thinks I'm an evil person for this. But I can't help how I feel.

I do not love my husband. I knew I had made a mistake on my honeymoon. But I was only 18. This story is waaay to long to tell all of it, but here are some highlights: We have been married for 9 1/2 yrs, and I have never climaxed with him. I hate sex with him, he nearly masked me sick. I know that sounds mean, but we have really been through a lot. I refuse to leave for many many reasons. And no money is not one of them, he makes 22 k a year. I made a vow, I intend to do it.

I always thought something was wrong with me. But after about 6 yrs I talked myself into using a vibrator, and there is nothing wrong there!!! I can get turned on from fantasies or movies, or books, but it just makes me cry bc I don't have a marriage or sex life like that. And I know no one's relationship is perfect, but 10 yrs?? Come on!

He knows this about me. He knows I hate sex with him. Naturally, it hurts his feelings, and I understand, and I'm sorry. I'm not an evil witch, I don't want to hurt him. He does not know why I don't like it. He does not know I am not inlove with him. I don't have the heart to tell him. I just act like I have something wrong with me. He refuses to use toys bc he thinks he should be able to get the job done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 3:11pm

OK I had a similar problem with my last boyfriend. We dated for almost 2 years and honestly, that was one reason why things didn't work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 7:16am

My first question is going to be, then why have you stayed with him all these years? You're both to young to be miserable for the rest of your lives. What is it you don't like about him?

Second, he does not give you an orgasm. It's all in your brain and until you change the way you think about him, I don't think it will ever happen with him. You can use a toy and get off so you know what works for you. You have to TELL him what you need/want. If he doesn't want to help you, then he's a selfish idiot. Were you his first woman? Does he know how to pleasure a woman? Do you know how to pleasure him?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 10:25am

Go to counseling! Either if it is just yourself, or with him. It sounds like you have convinced yourself that because you made a vow you need to stick to it. But, how is this fair to HIM? You don't love him and sex with him makes you sick. Sure, it's great that you are honoring your commitment, but you are robbing him of being with someone who loves him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2012
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 1:11am

Ditto everything.