Not HAPPY with the SEX

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
Not HAPPY with the SEX
3
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:05pm
I have been with this man for a little over 2 years now. I got pregnant right after we starting dating, we got married 1 year later. We had lots of sex during my first trimester of pregnancy but he wouldn't go down on me because he said I tasted & smelled weird. That was a BUMMER for me b/c I can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. From the second trimester on we STOPPED having SEX. He just didn't pursue me in BED and I was too tired to iniciate it. After DS was born we had SEX 6 weeks later but it was very LAME and somewhat painful. We would have sex maybe once a month or once every few months after that. Now we are having sex every week. DS is already 21 months. I feel like we barely have a SEXUAL relationship. I have told him this, but he says it's very normal for couples to feel like that after having a child. I'm feel like everytime we have sex it's only for his pleasure...only he orgasms and it's usually quick. I'm just not satisfied with our SEX life. Any advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:22pm

I don't think you can say anything is "normal" sex-wise after a pregnancy. Men and women react differently afterwards, and every couple reactrs differently. The only way to get things straight is to talk about them. You guys need to communicate your feelings to each other - how does it feel to be a mother? A father? Has that changed how you feel about your sexual selves? How do you feel about your body now? Is that any different than you felt before? How about how he feels about your body? Does HE feel differently about YOUR sexual persona now that you are a mother?

The only way to takle these problems is to get them out in the open.


My suggestion - get a sitter, go out for dinner or something, and talk about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 3:25pm
Thank you for your response. We have talked about it. He started looking at me differently from the moment that my pregnancy starting showing - 2nd trimester. He has told me that already. I have told him how I felt at the time and how I feel now. We have sat down and expressed our feelings to one another already. He thinks that everything that we are going through is NORMAL and I think it's not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 3:51pm

Well, I am definitely coming from a different side than you - we've had two kids in the last three years, but haven't lost a beat. DW has been able to separate her "mom" from her "wife" pretty well, and I have had NO problems with still seeing her as the extremely sexy and hot woman I always have.


But like I said - who's to say what it "normal". A lot of men have the reaction your husband did. I think in those situations it's best to get as far away from the "home life" - maybe even get a hotel room. Then maybe he can see you more in the "wife" light than the "mom" light?

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