Oh Come On!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Oh Come On!
22
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:30am
Shot down again! After being an utterly irrisistable wife all week I crawled into bed naked last night after the last child fell asleep at 9:30. Hubby barely noticed as he was watching MARTHA so I thought I'd wait. As soon as the show ended he clicked off the t.v., said goodnight and fell asleep. Are you kidding me? That was our one night all week and now it won't happen again for at least 5 days. It's already been a couple of weeks. What is going on here? He's coming from a background of brief childhood sexual abuse but I thought we'd moved past that. After we got married 6 years ago the sex stopped. I'm talking 6 months to a year in between encounters. Not that I didn't try. Lordy my self esteem took a beating. I went from getting picked up every time I left the house to this.
We almost divorced over it about 4 years ago but I stuck it out. Then things started getting better.If you call once every month or two better. I'd be happy with twice a week. I've heard that most couples in our situation average once or twice a week. Does this sound about right?
Any ideas? He's been in counselling and we've tried together for a while but didn't help much. I didn't get married to get divorced so this would be an absolute last resort. Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:51am

When he shut the TV off and said good-night, what did you do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 12:06pm

Sorry you got shot down last night Tanya.....


I agree w/ Tish. If this is so serious that you would even mention the "D" word, then you need to get to the nottom of this. I know

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 12:29pm

Hello and welcome, if you haven't already you might stop by Mismatched Libidos/Ask the Expert

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 12:59pm

OH NO!

Tanya, you & I both were in bad spots with our men lastnight! Well, after my talk with him, I mentioned to you I had a few days ago I said its fair that he either watches his t.v after or before not during or in the beginging of foreplay....seems clear right?
Here's my last night:

Well he was doing it all right lastnight. He was touching fondling here & there before dinner, kissing me places while daughter wasn't looking, playing "tune in Tokyo", connecting the dots to my moles on my body with kisses, we cuddled on the couch for a bit HE actually cuddled me from behind like a spoon instead of me as I ususally do.

The t.v was while we laid there, but he said he wanted to just lay on the couch for only a little bit, I agreed. (I thought so that we can privately get it on in our room )

Okay so mistake here, he's still fondling & caressing me on the couch.
I so very much feel his erection against me. I give him passionate kisses & he returns them. The mood is there for us both I sense he's getting ready to take me to our room then BAM! The "Smokey & the Bandit" movie starts on our Direct T.V & guess who pops his head up to say "hey babe,look that was my favorite movie of all time growing up!"

Oh my Gosh... can you say "mood killer" everyone?
That comment during the passion we were having may be compared to a women starting to talk psychology to her man during sex....Ughhhh.
I laid there quielty annoyed.....he minutes later with a smile says "do you wan to go lay in our bed? I said a plain "sure". I quietly stormed off. I hopped into bed so fast I'm surprised I didn't leave dust.

I then covered my body up being sooo annoyed. He comes into bed, then snuggles up to me starts to fondle me again trying to flirt while he's chuckling that as his hand rus over my genitals through my silk night pants, he can feel my small amount of pubic hairs I have left (I trimm & shave often )...Ughhh. I wasn't happy. I told him I have to tell you something that is bugging me.

I told him the scenerio of put yourself in my shoes if he was inside me & I was on the phone with a friend chatting would he like that? I wouldn't be so into the moment or him would I? Point taken & heard. Unfortunatly I waited for him to approach me with anything...if not a hand then some words. NONE. I fell asleep waiting.

Funny thing is today is our 4th anniversary. He attempted to make love to me this morning to make up for his stupid timing & my daughter came in on us!!!! She was 1/2 way asleep so we were safe.

Plan # 2 (Tanya try this if you can)

Have a naked picnic dinner or anymeal of the day that suits you for the time you have.
Have it in your house on the floor on silky sheets,nice jazz or soft sexy music,candles,sexy desserts you can feed eachother.

...that's my plan tonite! Although we didn't finish he has a lot to look forward to today...& everyday. I don't just do these things on our anniversary. I can't wait till he tranfers to another law enforcment department with better hours....possible next month. He would be less tired for me. I guess we'll see then.

Thnx for reading guys!


We had a great night

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:08pm

Hi,
I sent you in detail about my night too. I think I linked it to our buddy cl-jhun though. Anyway....I have to say I laughed with the title you picked only because the movie Goonies...have you seen it before? Well theres a part where a boy is forced to shake his chubby belly in front of his friends & the chubby boy kept on saying "Oh come on!!" so that he wont have to do it.

Your situation wasn't funny to me just the reflection I got of the saying.
Its at least a 20 years old movie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:11pm
Are you and Tanya the same person? LOL!

I hope you learned the lesson that TV is BAD FOR SEX. Unless of course there's a porno on! LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:18pm

SMACK SMACK on your back! and I don't mean on your backside!

JUST SAY NO to T.V during sex or PORN! .....unless you make a video with your spouse like I did!! That was neato.

No Tanya & I aren't the same but we feel like we're connected due to our problem with the "men"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:21pm
That is one thing I would LOVE to do - make a little movie with DW. Someday.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:48pm
Okay I just got flooded with responses. I wrote that while the kids were playing and then took them to school, I come back an hour later to I think 8 messages. First of all ( I'm new to computers) I thought all of my messages were going to the same place but Grace said something about me sending a personal note and then something about her linking to someone else. Can somebody explain please?
Now, I have first hand experience with the sexual abuse thing and have been in extensive therapy (individual, group, couples, outpatient and inpatient) but did move on past it.I think it lingers only in my overprotectiveness of loved ones and need to take care of them while sacrificing myself.I also went through school to be a child and youth worker for kids with any kind of "disability". I'm well educated on the subject. I don't expect hubby to forget and get over his abuse. We have been through this inside and out. He only went through counselling when it got close to divorce. Thank you all for your advice on that, maybe it's time to bring this up again.
Next, I didn't just lie there while he watched t.v., I was cuddling, kissing, caressing.
He knew what I was after. I had also sent him a racy e-mail earlier in the day that he got but failed to mention or respond to. The thing is I have no problem with the only having sex a couple of times a month, I can take care of myself, but I'm so desperate for the closeness and feeling of being truly loved by my husband. I learned a long time ago to not be too aggressive or demanding when it comes to this.
Grace, I swear you make me laugh out loud. I'm going to wake the little one from his nap and there goes my quiet time (which I'm quickly groing acustomed to). Smokey and the bear? It's irritating but don't let it ruin your anniversary. Yeah I know the movie goonies, everyone else watched it but me. Maybe I'll have to rent it this weekend.
I hope I covered everything. Maybe it's time to go buy myself a new toy to keep me preoccupied.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: tanyasd
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 6:12pm

If I respond to your reply on the post, this board send you an e-mail to your personal e-mail to inform you "You have a reply"....
I accidently replyed to our buddy The Beluchi look alike..i tell you that pic near his name looks like that Belushi Brothers guy!

BA HA HA! I laughed that you laughed at me! I hope that you respond with laughter Tanya.....its medicine! Do you & hubby laugh together much. Have you tried being kinda funny sexy when you approach him? He may need to be approached lightly with humor....that is of course if you didn't try that one already! I role played being a police officer & put his uniform on with my "f--k me heels on! Yeah he got a ticket for being a bad boy!!

You can also say softly "Sweetie because I love you soooo much, I want to make you feel good just as you make me feel good in many ways. How can I please you sexually?
If he seems unwilling to offer up anything then you might need to ask him
1st time ask if you can just lay together naked for now.
2nd time you get together (say like in a few days the way it sounds it might be that long & PLUS he's already been SHOCKED laying naked with you a few days before this)
ask if you can touch him.
each time add another action or talk to him to find out what else you can do to make him feel good.
This may need to be a very slow transaction women! I will be hopefull have great sex tonite with no interuptions. I will have a few orgasms for you too to hold you over at least untill my idea above comes to pass.

Hugs & understanding
I'm saved by Grace! <><

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