ok NOW what do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
ok NOW what do I do?
7
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 9:11am
If you've read my past post I'm not a happy camper.
So I AM trying to get into the mood,,, yada yada. Had a "good" weekend.
We did it 4x's... I'd say a couple of those were ....were warm. . Well put it this way, I was into it. (I'm usually not)
SO its Thurday. Last nite he start ,,again... complaining that he's not getting enought sex.... its not hot..... I'm not into it...... etc.
Which make me feel like shi*. I come down on myself...I get mad at him for making me feel bad,, then I get bummed out..then I do it just for him..He doesnt' like that. He wants me to be into it. Which causes me to hate myself ,,, hate sex,,,, you see how the circle goes. AND this is all probably in less than a week time. (the circle has been there for over a year..this what I live thru weekly) I can maybe get turnned on IF I can really consentrate,, I might be albe to have a "O" which of course makes HIM feel great... which makes me hate myself cause I had to phsic myself into doing that.
I feel discusted and ashamed. Then he wants MORE... I work all day... come home, clean , cook (ladies you know the routine) and I"M TIRED. I dont' want sex ! Maybe once a week would be ok but NOT everynite ! then give me heck for not "getting into it"
OIY!!!. I've noticed that I don't like me much now...... I'm starting to let myself go.. I don't care. This is not good. ALL BECAUSE OF SEX!!! Sex to me ,, is something that makes stress and mmakes me feel bad about myself. I don't want it anymore... it causes to much hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:40am

OK Deb.....let's try to fix this!!!


There's a couple of things

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:43am

As I said in my last post to you, IMO....you need professional therapy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 11:27am

Okay Babe, I'm taking your hand and leading you to the bathroom mirror. Stop dragging your feet and come on! Take a good look. No, past the flaws you obviously focus on. What do you see? I see a sad, hurt, lonely, desperate to be loved, fabulous, caring woman. Because I'm looking farther than you are, that's why, now stop questioning me! I see this b/c I was you once. Now I'm wrapping my arms around you and giving you a big hug. That's it. Relax. Really relax like you haven't done in years. Stop holding your breath and take a deep breath. Let it go. You need to go talk to someone. You NEED to. Yes, you may be uncomfortable. Yes, it will bring up a lot of feelings you don't want it to. But yes, you will feel better after you hit bottom and pull yourself back up. Now, look in the mirror and come back to the computer and tell me one good thing about yourself.

Love, Tanya.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 2:02pm

Okay, I read your post and feel I have been there before. I use to work full-time, cook, clean etc. So I decided NO MORE! Told DH if it was going to work things were going to be different. But as I read the other posts, Tish's post about rape, if that is the case, then debbzy, you've got to deal with that part of your past before you can begin to enjoy the present with your DH. Sex is a wonderful part of marriage, but if you are equating sex now with your DH as to what happened in the past, it's will do nothing but more damage.

I'm far from an expert but if rape is the case, get help to learn how to deal with it before the past ruins your present!

Know we're here for you! And I wish I had whatever it took to help you get a handle on it.

<<<<< hugs>>>>>

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 11:53pm


thxs everyone. that is the most support I've ever gotten.
Brought tears to my eyes.

TANYA -- one good thing about myself?? well........... at 47yrs of age I'm still a size 7. boobs maybe heading to the floor but with a bra on.... the old bod isn't bad. ROFL

Yes DH doesn't do much about the house..neither does my son. But that is my fault.
I need to let go of the housework and make them do it. (mother has said this to me lots)
but I'm one of those gals that .. only I can do it. :-) But I hear ya.

I've thought of going to get help. Guess I'm scared I'd find out stuff I dont'want to know.

TISH that is horrible what you went thru. OMG. I'm so sorry.
Yes I've looked back on my life reguarding sex and beside 2 date rapes.(yes 2,, could be 3 but I'm not sure on that one)...a Uncle, he used to like to show me dirty pictures.. think I was 4 or 5. Sick-o; To this day no one in my family believes me about him.
A drunken husband (first husband) well .. put it this was ,,I'd rather be water turtored then go thru him doing sex to me when he was drunk, and sober too. I feel sick when I think of that stuff. I know he has effected me the most. He was mentally abusive.
Probably where my angry toward sex comes from. Ya think.

But there was one guy.. he could call me up , say hi,, and I'd be looking for a cig. sigh.

I know,, I know,,, I need help. Just really scared.

I went to the mall tonight and bought a real sexy nity in hopes of making him feel wanted. and ...giggle.. DH is snoring away on the couch. hahahahahaa. oiy.

thx's ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 11:40am

Well Debby, after all you've been through, I really admire your strength in continuing to try to make yourself better, and for livign through all of that to finally get something you deserve! It's good to be scared sometimes - it shows that you actually KNOW what's going on!


And we're always here to help and listen!



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 2:46pm

I agreed with Tish in the first post and this one too. Also I think you are making sex about pleasing your husband rather than something that increases intimacy between the two of you. I think that your husband is asking for more sex than he really wants because he isn't getting what he wants from the sex the two of you are having. From your description he wants it to be an intimate act between the two of you but right now it is only sex. I think he keeps hoping the next time will be better and it sounds like you hope that too.

Please get some help dealing with the past hurts. Don't let them continue to hurt you.

WMR

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