out of ideas

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
out of ideas
27
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 3:32pm

I am new here. My husband is not excited about sex with me anymore. I am boring to him. He wants me to come up with ideas to help rev up our sex life but I just can not think of anything. We are also in the process of saving our marraige because we have not had the best of times lately.


I work and go to school and we have 2 kids. Between all of that, plus keeping the house in some sort of order I can't shut my mind down long enough to think about anyhting but just doing 'it', (if even that). I feel like it is a chore I do just to please him so I am not that into it at all. In fact, when we are doing it I am thinking about what I should be doing to accomplish a task, or sleep. Or mindless nothing at all. Pretty boring, I know.


He has asked me to do some very kinky things in the past,which I did, but it usually turned into a fight because it is only something I did to make HIM happy. I am not a prude, I will not even mention the things I have done,though, for privacy sake. He is really trying to get me excited again about sex. He sent me a list of things he wants or would like to do. He buys me 'toys' and underware. He really tries. I am out of ideas, and I am afraid he won't like the ideas I do have.


We have been married for almost 5 years. We are going on a marraige boot camp this weekend.(sex is not the sole reason we are going, there are other issues)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: spookyjan56
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:08pm

Hi and welcome spookyjan. It's nice to meet you.


{{{{{HUGS}}}}}


Why don't you first tell us some of the things you have done? Do you use the toys together? Do you experiment with different positions? Do you like to dress-up, do role-play?


I know it's easier said than done, but you have to try and relax and clear your mind of all that other stuff. Does hubby help you with the house chores and the children? If not, that is the first thing you need to discuss with him. Maybe then you'd be in the mood more often.


Do/have you ever had an orgasm? Check out the site: http://the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm. It is filled with some great information. Also have your dh look at it too.



harleybabe-2-1.jpg picture by nhgal2006




28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
In reply to: spookyjan56
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:27pm

what is DH?


We have tried many things. we play with toys together. We try to role play. I wear slutty dresses in thehouse when the kids are not there. We tried group things. We have gone to adult lifestyle parties. We really don't try new positions, though I like to. He seems to only like one way. we tired internet stuff. I can't satisfy him and it is driving me crazy. It is drivng him away. I don't even know what I like anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: spookyjan56
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:36pm

If you let us know what you have done, what things you would like to try, what kinky things did you like, what didn't you like and where your boundaries are (and his boundaries), we might be able to help you better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
In reply to: spookyjan56
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 4:54pm

he does help with some house chores. He cooks most of the time and does the dishes. I do most of the child CARE but he does play with the kids so I can do my homework.


I don't think he knows what turns me on, then again, at this point, I don't know what turns me on either. I see his frustration. My main problem is time managment and low labido. I tried supplements but they take so long to work. like months, and the difference isn't huge. I am only 33 and he is 35.


I am afraid he is going to find someone else. I am not sure where I am going wrong. I never had complaints about sex with other men before him so I am really hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
In reply to: spookyjan56
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 9:55pm

Hi,


I'm glad that you posted on this board - there are so many great people here who will listen and try to help you with your problems.


You said you'd been married 5 yrs and have 2 children.











iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
In reply to: spookyjan56
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 10:02pm
Nice siggy, Moon!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2008
In reply to: spookyjan56
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 11:15pm
Things can be different for everyone. I would recommend counseling. I know that when sex with my DH went downhill there were underlying resentments that had gone unresolved for too long. We were on the brink of splitting up (that was over a year ago). The counseling really helped us and we are closer than ever, and have hotter sex than ever before.
Good luck
Sorry right now is painful
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: spookyjan56
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 8:05am

Here is a link of abbreviations (dh=dear husband) http://cl-memeu2-ivil.tripod.com/memeslistofacronyms/


Ok, so it sounds like you two have experimented. Do you masturbate? I think you need to figure out what you like in order to help the situation. How about if the two of you write a list of 5 things you want to do, and once a week pull one out of a hat and act it out. Do the two of you have certain boundaries, as to what you will and will not do?


Check out the site: http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm. It is filled with great information, that will hopefully help some. Have hubby look at it too.


What one position does he like and why? Next time he asks you to come up with something different, tell him you want to try some new position. You need to be pleasured too, not just him.



harleybabe-2-1.jpg picture by nhgal2006




28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: spookyjan56
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 8:07am

Tish and moon both gave you some good advice.


I do hope you'll do like moon suggested and talk to your GYN about it. Personally, I don't think you're doing anything "wrong", you're just exhausted.



harleybabe-2-1.jpg picture by nhgal2006




28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
In reply to: spookyjan56
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 8:14am

Thanks Steve!











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