pregnant and lost my sex drive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2008
pregnant and lost my sex drive
8
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 3:24pm
I have a daughter who is 18 months old and I'm 7.5 months pregnant. My husband and I have been fighting constantly because I don't want to have sex. I chase my daughter around all day and i'm extrememly tired when my husband comes home from work. We used to have sex almost everyday, now maybe once a week, if that. I want to be able to satisfy him in bed, but I'm just so exhausted when the time comes. Has anyone had this experience and if so what do I do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 4:43pm

Beth,


welcome to SMS, and congates on the little one and the little one to come. Know your NOT alone. When I was pg with #2...I almost hated sex, and didn't really want it again until she was almost 2yrs old! just so you know it does get back to normal! LOL!


just take your time, also talk with your DH let him know that you want it as much as he does but your body just isn't where it should be, but to give you time and it will come back.


BTW--I agree with the family bed, some times it works great for some and sometimes it doesn't. My girls didn't 'sleep all night' with us at all, DH would pick them up at 5am and give them to me to feed and then we would go back to bed while DH was getting ready for work. My girls did sleep in a cradle in our bedroom until they slept thur the night.

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Secrets of Marry Sex

memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 3:29pm
That's tough, with one that young, but my experience -- and the experience of several women I know, including my oldest daughter, who is pregnant now herself -- has been exactly the opposite. I was almost insatiable, from the second trimester on. Sex with my husband was sometimes uncomfortable, but I masturbated constantly. I had never masturbated all that much before I was pregnant, but boy, did that get me going. So my first question for you is: have you been masturbating? And if not, maybe you should try, maybe when your daughter is napping. And you should certainly encourage your husband to masturbate. Encourage him to be open about it, not secretive and resentful. Thats what I did with mine -- lots of side-by-side self-pleasuring sessions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 6:17pm

My wife's drive dropped during pregnancy as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 2:56am
Welcome to the board, shoremom3. I'm Nenu, co-cl here along with Meme. Thanks for pitching in with your advice!




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CL for Sexual Health






"Life is a drama, and there's only the one performance" - Luna di Rossi





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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 4:06pm

In my experience as a woman (and currently pregnant with our 3rd), orally/manually is more work *for me* than actual sex...plus its work that I get nothing out of. I'm all for oral/manual sex, but I gotta say if my husband's attitude was, "Well, I know YOU'RE tired, and swollen, and pregnant...but I'm not...so why don't you just get to work down there? I'll be a MUCH happier husband if you service me" he would be getting zilch. He's gotta be giving some too, and understand that being pregnant (especially with little ones) can suck and he needs to compensate and make HER feel relaxed and comfortable, and not just expect that he should get some even though she's not up to it.


Now don't get me wrong, after our kids were born, and I wasn't allowed to have intercourse due to just having a baby, I certainly made sure DH was taken care of sexually (I actually gave him oral sex the night we came home from the hospital!)...but this was only because I couldn't physically have sex for a few weeks. And after a week or two, I felt okay enough for clitoral stimulation with a vibrator down there, so he COULD reciprocate.


I'm not meaning to go off on a tangent here, and I rarely post, but imagine, as a man, for 9 months of one year you were forced to work double shifts, all the while suffering through sharp stabbing pains in your leg and crotch (varicose veins...I got 'em in both places), indegestion, constipation, over-active bladder, plus extreme fatigue. Then, instead of suggesting a way to help you feel better, your wife asked that you just give her oral sex since you feel so bad. It doesn't make sense, and I think that this way of thinking (not putting yourself in your wife's shoes) is what ends up getting alot of husband's in the doghouse, and losing out on sex they COULD be having.


To the OP, have you suggested to DH him giving you a massage to 'warm you up'?? Or maybe finding time for a quickie before bed/morning?


I'm 4 months pregnant right now (with a 5 and 21 month old), and have found that even though I'm so tired, if I just let DH 'play' with me a bit, I can't resist!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 9:37pm

You need more rest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 4:01am
Welcome to the board, rosemile, and thanks for your advice. I totally agree with you about reading Erma Bombeck! She told it like it is and with a sense of humour.

I'm Nenu, co-cl here along with Meme.




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CL for Sexual Health






"Life is a drama, and there's only the one performance" - Luna di Rossi





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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Sun, 12-07-2008 - 8:55am
Congratulations on the upcoming baby, Freckles. Thanks for you advice to the OP, too.




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CL for Sexual Health






"Life is a drama, and there's only the one performance" - Luna di Rossi





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