Question??.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Question??.....
10
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 1:49pm
Recently my DW returned from a trip to France with her school. Now before she left we had a pretty limited sex life, ( once a month on average, never any oral and only every once in a while a change in position). I always wanted more but with four kids and we both work their never was the time or my wife was always to tired. I have tried over the years the different tips of trying to ease some of the work load around the house and taking on more of the duties of running the kids around but none of these had much of a change. Now however since she has gotten back from france she has changed totaly, the first night that she got back she gave me a blow job to completion and swallowed for the first time ever then we had hours or oral and various positions including mutual masturbation. Since then we have had some kind of sex every day in the last two weeks. with her grabbing my numerous times throughout the day or she will call me at work and tell me what she wants to do to me that night. She has even discussed trying anal soon. Do Not get me wrong I am loving this and I am just going with the flow now. However I have been wondering as to what has come over her that A 1 1/2 week trip in France has changed her Sexual Appetite so much. She used to never discuss masturbation much less do it front of me nore has she ever even touched me other then to insert my penis into her. But now she is constantly on fire and soaking wet all of the time. We did have phone sex twice while she was a way also a first. She says that the whole change is just that she realized while she was a way How much that she missed me loves me and that she just wants to always be with me. As much as I am loving this I am starting to wonder if something more happened in France, Am I being a Jerk for thinking this, I difinitly do not want to spoil the ride and I would hate to hurt her with some crazy assumption. But I still wonder did she by chance have and affair and someone else brought this out in her or am I being paranoid. I have never never even began the doubt her faithfullness before and I still can not imagine her now doing such a thing but this turn around while great.....is a little perplexing. Thanks for any opinions out their.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: carpart22
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 2:55pm

Hi there,

I used to be a regular poster here. I am home recovering from surgery and found I had some time to check out my old haunt. I don't recognize many nics anymore, yours is new as well.

I would try not to worry about your wife. A few years ago I did a complete turn around on my dh like your dw has done. I knew we were drifting apart and missed the spark and passion we used to share. I missed the craziness of our oversexed early years and decided to become my dh's biggest fantasy come true. This board gave me the courage to make my move.

Maybe your dw was feeling much the same and the trip to Paris without you gave her the push to make the changes she needed to bring the spark back into your marriage. Maybe she spent her nights in Paris - a city out of a romance novel, thinking you should be there with her. Maybe she took advantage of her time away to read some relationship books without you knowing. Maybe she saw this break away from you as a chance for you to miss her and she wanted you to be happy she was home. Appreciate for what it is and show her you appreciate it. Now it is your turn to return the favor. Is there some way, other than through sex that she needs to feel appreciated?

I know in my case, I was hoping by providing unbelievable sex, my dh would be falling all over himself to do other special things for me. My greatest fantasy was for him to plan a surprice weekend getaway completely on his own. My dh is not a planner, and unfortunately could not read my mind so I never got my getaway. It may come some year, I keep hoping. I suggest you look for ways to make her know you appreciate the effort she's gone through to change.

I got off track didn't I?

My point was, you can either enjoy the situation for what it is, a rekindling of your marriage. Or you can worry away a good thing for something that may not be true. If you question her reasons for change, you will destroy the effort she has made. If there is a reason to worry about what she was up to in Paris, it will come out soon enough. Don't look for a negative reason for a positive change.

Ella

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2003
In reply to: carpart22
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 2:59pm

I'm a nurse and a mother and therefore have spent most of my life in the company of other women. I might not know much else, but I know women lol. In order for it to have happened as you imagined, your wife either knew her affair partner before she left home or she would have to had met a man and developed enough trust to engage in sexual relations with this man once she got to France. In a week and a half that would be pretty fast moving for a woman. It happens but it certainly is the exception to the rule.

If she knew the man before she left, she is having an affair and rarely do women having an affair increase sexual activities with their husbands. Women in affairs generally have to convince themselves that their husbands are bad in order for them to justify having the affair. They almost always develop feelings for the affair partner and therefore will feel like they are cheating on their affair partner when with their husbands. She isn't likely having great sex with another man and then using the information to have great sex with you.

Second scenario, she meets a man and has an impromptu sexual fling. She only has a week and a half to meet the man and develop the trust she needs to do this. The chances of this are slight because women tend to want to feel an emotional connection before having sex with a man. But let's say she did this. She isn't going to think to herself, hey this was good maybe I can get me some of this at home. Instead she is going to feel guilty and will either confess or agonize over her guilt. It isn't likely she is going to try to make it up to you by having sex the way she had sex in France.

Much more likely event is that women on the trip were touting the benefits of great sex. Women like to fit into their peer group. Our female friends are much more influential on us than men. It is also likely she did miss you and got to thinking about how good a husband you are. In addition, she may have been reading about improving your sex life before going on the trip and the trip gave her time away to really think about it.

Also keep in mind she was on a school trip. I'm sure she was busy with the activities of that trip. I can't imagine her combining school activities with sexual activities when her husband isn't with her. I have had lots of friends go on school trips and NEVER has one had an affair while gone. Granted it could happen that a mother of four on a school trip to France had a fling with a relative stranger and now wants to continue to experience sex the way she experienced in France. I would think the chance of that happening is about the same as winning the lottery. Certainly someone will do it and someone will win the lottery, but those are the exceptional few.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
In reply to: carpart22
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 4:17pm

I agree with Robin.

The most likely thing that happened was that she spent a late night or two some wine and a couple of new girlfriends on the trip and they all started talking. It's a lot easier to discuss sex and other things when you are away and also with people you don't know that well and who you may never see again.

Just be happy with the change and go with the flow.

John

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: carpart22
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 6:04pm

I would not worry at all about her having an affair. I would say it was more of what she said, she missed you, she loves you and wants to be with you. Like the old saying goes: "Absende makes the heart grow fonder" It sounds to me like she got a little taste of what it's like not being around you and she didn't like it. Enjoy it!!!

~Tish

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: carpart22
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 6:41pm

I agree with everyone else. Enjoy it and find a way to cultivate it so that it doesn't wane. Enjoy this time to explore each ther and have the sex life you want.

mb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
In reply to: carpart22
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:20pm

I am thinking NO to the affair and YES to some free time away to relax being just what she needed!!!


Have fun with it and encourage her new freedom!


MadsenFallSiggy3.png picture by jenniemadsen1

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
In reply to: carpart22
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 7:55am
I agree with everyone else! If she were having an affair then she would not have had phone sex with you while she was gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
In reply to: carpart22
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 9:38pm
Take it for what it's worth but I had the best sex of my life with my first wife while she was having an affair. It's a guilt thing. On the other hand, maybe something erotic happened to her while she was gone. Maybe this event changed the way she thinks. You're probably a long way away from the erotic "event" so decide if you can deal with it. It's tough...I know. I think the challenge for an "excepting" male is how to "harness" this energy and help her maintain the feeling. Don't let it consume you. Decide if you can let it go and make the best of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
In reply to: carpart22
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 3:51pm
I started having better sex with my H after my affair started. I feel guilty for giving someone else something so personal and then even more guilt when sex was better with OM. So yeah, I tried to recreate it at home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
In reply to: carpart22
Fri, 03-25-2005 - 11:59am

I can't imagine a mother of 4 getting into a hot overseas affair in a week's time...
I think being away from the kids helped to get her out of "mom mode" and feeling more like a woman...with desires of her own, NOT constantly trying to meet children's needs.

I think you should enjoy it. Ride the wave while it lasts...
Now you know when things get a little stressful for her at home, you need to whisk her away on a vacation w/o the kids, even if just for a weekend!