Question from a lurker...

Avatar for impatientdea
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Question from a lurker...
7
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 11:58am

Hi All! I've been lurking on this board for a couple months, but this is my first post. A little background. Me and my dh have been together for 10 years, married for 5. My libido had been nil for quite a long time, which dh put up with, but lately I just can't seem to get enough, which of course is all fine and good for him (and me). But, he's been making little comments about me having to do all the work, cause he did last time, etc. That's not quite true, sex is a two-way street for us & usually, or at least I though, we both enjoyed it, but it seems its almost like he's keeping a score card. We had I/C & then some earlier this week, I o'd like 3 times, him once & then last night he made a comment that "I'd (meaning me) would have to do all the work, cause he did last time" - well that kinda set me off & I said that I'd rather just not bother... wrong thing to say... we haven't spoken since 8:00pm last night. I just don't want to feel like because I got off more than him, that its "my" turn to do all the work... Am I wrong? I know my comment was taken by him like why bother if I have to work, but that's not what I meant. I'm sure we'll chat about it when I get home from work, but its really frustrating.... It's not a scorebook, it shouldn't be about who gets off more than the other, is it my fault that i can have multiple o's during one session & he's done after one (not all the time, but for the most part)? And shouldn't he be happy that he can please me that much???

Argh - just so frustrated & can't concentrate at work.

Thanks,
Deanna!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 12:43pm

Quite honestly, this sounds like a situation where he may have been making a lighthearted joke at the wrong time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 1:10pm

It might have been a joke, but there might have been a little truth to it. Maybe that is his way of saying he wants his turn? No, there's no scorecard, but that doesn't mean that he might not want to sit back and enjoy himself every once in a while too. There's nothing wrong with that.


My opinion - say you're sorry and give him a night to remember!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 1:58pm
I know that when I say it's time for my girl to do the work...I mean I want her to initiate, and start the foreplay, maybe even be on top.
It has nothing to do with how many orgasms.
Avatar for impatientdea
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 2:08pm

Hey luvlickin, I don't think its that, cause lately I'm the one to initiate, he likes me on top, so that's usually also where I am (not that we don't vary things, don't get me wrong) and I ALWAYS make sure his needs are met. That's where the confusion lies for me...

After hearing the other responses, I am going to apologize, which for stubborn old me, is pretty hard to do, but also make it clear that I htink he misunderstood my response & that his comment was hurtful!

Thanks for all the responses!

Deanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 4:36pm

That sounds like a great idea. From what you describe, it appears there may have been misunderstanding on both sides. And, apologizing doesn't mean you're giving in. And, telling him that you feel there was a misunderstanding might open the discussion up - maybe there is something more going on, but if you're not talking, it can't be resolved, right?

Good luck!







Judy 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 3:48pm
I know this response is late, and you probably have already got this whole issue settled. As for the score card thing..There was a time when my wife got a little lasy and to get me off she would somehow get us to have intercourse... But that was only AFTER I started the night by kissing, and going down on her....So after a couple months of me doing oral for her and her doing it maybe once for me, I spoke up..lol she said ,"what,.. are you keeping score?" I told her that the score was about 30 to one, and yes it was totally lopsided. She got the hint , no hurt feelings and everything is fine now... Some times people just get into a rut, and it is important to talk things out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 6:22pm
It sounds to me like you made the same mistake that we all make from time to time. He said something that pissed you off, but instead of responding to the comment and telling him how it made you feel, you responded in kind. You didn't mean what you said and all it did was double the trouble.