Sex after affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2011
Sex after affair.
7
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 2:29pm

Hello all,

This is my first post here.

Avatar for memeu2
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-1999
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 2:41pm

there is only one way to find out whats in her head...ask her! talk to her, open up even more to her about what your feeling and how you feel.

also you might want to check these other boards for more help....

memeu siggy 4-08

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2011
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 3:03pm

Yes, I knew the first response would be to talk to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 8:14pm

Hi and welcome.

First I am sorry for what you have and are going through. I do agree with meme, as only your wife can honestly tell you exactly what's going through her mind. Could it be that she feels guilty for the affairs? Believe me when I say there is a lot of guilt after the fact, that most people don't realize. She could be thinking/feeling that she has treated you so badly, and yet you stand by and love her.

I can relate to being unable to talk to your spouse about these things, but the two of you have already started and are seeing a counselor, so keep that up! How about maybe asking her to write down 5 things that she want to do sexually, and you can do the same thing. Then you sit together and look at the lists and determine together if what has been written is something you are both willing to try.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 12:05pm

Hey, Barrel,

First, good advice, as always from Meme and BL, I especially like the mutual list idea as it give a loose structure to a discussion so it doesn't get too far off track.

The other thing I would offer as a suggestion is that the dynamics of a 10-year marriage have been altered in a fundamental way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 11:52am

You wrote: "

Cunégonde
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 9:39am

I agree that communication between you and your wife is the key.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 10:44am
Barrelomonkies, I wish you all the luck in the world in saving this relationship. However, the fact that she has had more than one affair would indicate that whatever it is that she is desiring, YOU aren't part of the equation.
I'm speaking from experience, here and can let you know that often the cheating spouse will confuse financial stability for "love" they feel they have for their spouse. Ten years to find out that things haven't been what you thought are a long time, but not the twenty that I endured with my 100 pound loadstone.
Time for you to start thinking about yourself.