Sex after marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Sex after marriage
14
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 11:24pm

Okay, I need some advice here. We kind of are suffering from a ripple affect.
My husband wants sex all the time, but he doesn't want to bother with being romantic or sweet talk or anything like that. So he ends up complaining that we don't do it often enough, but he doesn't get it that if he just quit treating it like a chore that I should do for him, then it probably would happen more often. I have absolutely no desire to be with him when he approaches me with an "are we gonna do it or what?" attitude.

I could use the guy's input on this as well. How do we find a middle ground?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 8:17am

You need to sit down with him and talk about your sex life.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:42am

Oh man does your post remind me of when I was first married. We were young and inexperienced and I swear it seemed like every time he would say "wanna do it?" It drove me absolutely nuts! Talk about turn-offs! I finally exploded and couldn't take it anymore and told him if he didn't start thinking before he spoke that he would be "doing it" alone.

That was over 11 years ago and, even though we are still exploring, we communicate a lot better now. Communication is the key. You do need to talk to him about how you feel - its sooooooo important.

Also, sex is not a chore. It's a wonderful experience between 2 people. It's not about finding a "happy medium," its about getting your sex lives back on track. Talk, it works wonders, most times!HTH

 

 

 

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:59am

Hi Everyone, I'm new here, posted only a couple of times but , I agree with Tish , my DH and I have been married for 26 yrs and he goes through this"are ya gonna give it to me or what attitide sometimes, thats when I take control of the situation and I make him be romantic! I fix his favorite dinner , get dressed in sexy clothes, put on our favorite music, and tease him , but he has to be romantic if he wants it, guess what , by this time he'll do anything I ask!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 2:23pm
what do you think about if it's me with the wanting "it" all the time? I have tried talking to him about it and he frequently says he's too tired ( he works about 50 hours on his feet) I have tried foot rubs (ick!) I do them cause I know he likes them and hope it's a turn on, I've heard when women hit their 30's they start to peak sexually?? I also know that now that we can't get PG anymore, I am wanting it more than what he was used to and that was what he thought the 3 safest days of the month were for me to not end up pregnant!! (6 kids ~ we're very fertile ~ had a tubal done 1 year ago) So what do you suggest? I have tried talking about it to him, and I really do not get much of a response from him!!
Avatar for xploziv1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 2:27pm

I had this problem with my ex (with him four years). It was always about when we were going to have sex, and why we weren't having sex. He would spend all night on the computer, come to bed at 1 a.m. in the morning and expect me to be keen for it, when I'd gone to bed two hours prior because I was sick of having nothing to do. No romance - ever. Any romance was always from my end, any nights out for dinner, or in a hotel - organised by me.

When we became long distance, it got even worse. We would only see each other once every two weeks. He'd come down to see me occasionally. Half an hour after arriving he'd want to know when we were going to have sex. I would just look at him and say, "you haven't seen me for two weeks, and all you can think about is sex?". He wasn't interested in sitting around talking, and reconnecting in any way, just getting what he hadn't had sex in a couple of weeks. Same would happen if I went to see him. He lived with some good friends of mine, and couldn't understand why I would want to spend an half an hour here or there having a chat.

I just didn't feel special at all. That's a big part of why we are no longer together.

You need to sit him down and make him understand that sex isn't just about him, and that you need more than that. Just because you are married doesn't mean he gets to stop wooing you, or making the effort. Being married doesn't guarantee easy sex.

Good luck.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 4:13pm

As far as reaching a sexual peak, I personally don't believe in that.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 3:18pm
DH and I had this problem right after he moved in w/me when we were engaged.

<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 11:25pm
That's part of the problem too. I feel as if it is ALWAYS me that is initiating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:10am

The two of you need to sit down outside of the bedroom

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 9:15am
All I know is, you could be not getting it at all. If I waited for DH to romance me AND initiate, I'd grow a hymen again!

 

Pages