Sex Unfulfilling for Wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Sex Unfulfilling for Wife
11
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 12:44pm

Question for you all.

My wife and I have a good sex life, but almost 100% of the time, she fails to orgasm through intercourse alone. (Typically, I'll help manually finish her off following intercourse.) Anyway, do any of you have any advice? I know that she enjoys very much the sensation of me being inside her, but I can't hang on long enough for her to reach her climax. Has anyone used a vibrator, at the same time as intercourse, to help her reach orgasm? If so, how did that come up? I don't want to insult her in any way.

Thanks for your help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 2:46pm
Yes, I use a vibrator at the same time as intercourse and it works great! I highly recommend trying it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 2:52pm
My husband
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 4:29pm

This situation where a woman is unable to orgasm through intercourse alone, is quite common. Most couples deal with it in their own ways. In my case, my wife has NEVER orgasmed with me inside. We accept this as normal for her and have our own way to satisfy both of us.

My wife prefers to have intercourse with me first. I climax and she gets very heated up watching me. Then I manually enter her vagina as she holds a vibrator on her clitoris. I rub the upper side of her vagina with my middle finger front to back in a slow movement. At times I actually let my finger slip out and feel her fingers outside and then go in again. This rythmic motion always works for her. As she reaches her orgas, I push up on her "G" spot and hold the pressure there as she continues in the throws of her orgasm which lasts 3 to 5 minutes. This works very well for us.

I have asked her to try a smaller vibrator which would fit on her as I am engaged in intercourse, but she says that our own way suits her very well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 5:01pm
I rarely O from intercourse alone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 10:04am

I can't remember the percentage, but it's fairly large, of women who cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Most women just aren't wired that way. It's like a man having an orgasm from testicle stimulation only.


And while you have this desire to have it happen, you can't just "make" it happen. I would just have a piont-blank conversation about it. Get it all out in the open. Ask her if she would LIKE to have an orgasm through penetration. Maybe she doesn't even care, and is perfectly happy having them the way she does. Sometimes the male ego can get in the way here. If you just let it come to her naturally, the her body wants it to, she WILL be satisfied.


But like I said - talk about it. She might like the idea of a vibrator for other reasons too. There are tons of possibilities when it comes to the bedroom, and the best way to find out what she would like is to ask.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:39am

I suggest you extend the foreplay as long as you can before initiating intercourse. This will help her warm up to full arousal and help you both to be in synch with each other. To comfort you both, you must understand that women take much longer to become aroused enough to reach orgasm. This situation is not uncommon, and it takes a lot of communication between partners to improve the odds. Just know that it's normal for women to miss out on orgasms when there is no other stimulation than intercourse. Sadly, it's a little known fact that 70% of women reach orgasm only through clitoral stimulation. Neither of you are to blame, so please don't think I'm pointing fingers, that's just the way it is. There are many products out there on the market that help with arousal and stimulation. The key is for both partners to be open to the idea of enhancing your relationship with such products. Communication is essential. Tell her that you want to give her as much pleasure in the bedroom as she gives you. The only way to know how she will react to incorporating a toy, is to ask her. My toy suggestion: for starters, a vibrating bullet for stimulating her clitoris. Also, wearing a stretchy c-ring on the base of your penis will make you last longer for her, and make your orgasm very powerful. To combine the two toys is bliss, so look for a c-ring with an attached bullet. I think its a great starter toy, and one of the best out there. She can't be insulted by your wanting to rock her world!! Hope that helps.

Donna
Passion Consultant
www.gottahavepassion.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:53am
DH and I have done it several times, just for some variety and it works very...very well. I think you will find that your wife finds it extremely pleasurable!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 10:32pm
Your subject line is misleading. Sex isn't unfulfilling for your wife. She just doesn't orgasm from intercourse. Do you orgasm some other way than from intercourse? If not, then is sex unfulfilling to you because you don't orgasm from nipple or testicle stimulation? I orgasm very easily. I have orgasmed without ever being touched in any way. I have orgasm from nipple stimulation. I always orgasm from intercourse. I always orgasm from clitoral stimulation. All orgasms are different. However whether they are touch or intercourse stimulated isn't what leads them to being satisfying or not. It is the context they occur that gives them their quality. I use my vibrator only when masturbating. It gives me some very intense orgasms. However I would choose my orgasms with my husband over vibrator-generated ones any day. Intimacy is very powerful.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 2:55pm

>>Has anyone used a vibrator, at the same time as intercourse, to help her reach orgasm?<<

My partner can easily reach orgasm from intercourse alone, but we often use a small, vaguely egg-shaped vibrator between us, against her clitoris during intercourse. It works very well for us.

>>If so, how did that come up? I don't want to insult her in any way.<<
I originally introduced our first phallic vibrator and she was a little shocked at first because she thought that I intended her to use it alone - and she very rarely ever masturbated. When she realised that it was for "us" she was more receptive to the idea (although it was a couple of months before it got taken out of the bedside cabinet and actually used.) After the first time using it and about three orgasms later, she looked at me, and said "Why haven't we used that thing before?"

You could talk to her about it, but I honestly think that just getting one could be a good idea and then presenting it to her in a giftwrapped box with the cautionary warning that it's something that it is actually for both of us and I understand if you are hesistant about using it at first. I think that the penny will drop fairly quickly and you will be able to tailor your conversation depending on her reaction.

Of course, another option could be to try using your fingers on her clitoris during intercourse. With some practice, you might find that will help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 8:40pm
Just presented a gift wrapped one this past weekend. We tried it out that night. Emphasis on we during IC.
PS I had purchased it about 6 months ago and finally gave it to her.

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