So the problem is.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2005
So the problem is.....
9
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 1:31pm
I have this date planned for Saturday. It's a rarity for the two of us to hook up, let alone have a whole night away from the kids to make it special. So my issue is..I want him to be the one to make it special. I want him to make an effort to make me feel special, along with me doing my part. Sex has been feeling really one sided lately, which is why my LL has been letting me avoid it. He just wants to do his thing and be done without putting much effort into his end for me(This usually occurs when we are both tired, or stressed, or have limited time to git 'er done) Don't get me wrong, he makes an attempt at foreplay, but he's just not that great at it. I just don't like my super sensitive erogenous zones to be touched until I'm aroused to certain point and he just doesn't get it. I've even flat out told him this, yet.... He's just lacking in foreplay techniques. That's all there is to it. How do I go about letting him know what I want him to do to me to get me going? I am terrible with the talk-him-through thing. I think that since he's left to his own devices much of the time, and spends his free time viewing adult websites and mags, (which BTW I don't have a problem with) he has a skewed vision of how lovemaking should be. That's just not how real life goes. Any ideas?
Thanks..Casey
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:12pm
WELL I KNOW THIS SEEMS HARD BUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS AFTER HE INITIATES FOREPLAY GUIDE HIS HANDS WHERE YOU WANT THEM TO BE. MEN USUALLY DONT KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE UNLESS THEY LEARN THROUGH EXPERIENCE. THEY DONT KNOW HOW SENSITIVE THERE PARTNERS BODY PARTS REALLY ARE. ALSO MAYBE YOU SHOULD BUY SOME MAGAZINES WITH RACY SEX ARTICLES IN THEM AND LEAVE THEM OUT FOR HIM TO SEE A GOOD PLACE FOR THIS IS THE BATHROOM GUYS ALWAYS NEED SOMETHING TO READ WHEN THEY ARE IN THERE..GOOD LUCK AND DONT BE AFRAID TO SHOW HIM WHAT YOU LIKE
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:27pm

OK, how about this:


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 6:59pm

Joel,

That's such a great idea! I have found in the last few years that I don't orgasm as well or as deeply and need more foreplay. It's kind of hard for DH because I've always been willing to just go at it, but now I really want things to be slower. And, for me, foreplay starts above the neck, not below the waist....(most of the time).

We're staying overnight at a B&B next week - we have the whole week off and this night we will be away from dogs, cats, phones. I'm gonna work on that treasure map!!! And, since he loves pirates, maybe I'll see if I can find wench clothing and tell him to do his pirate impression LOL!!!

Judy


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Judy 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:28am
Great Judy!!! You'll have to let us know how it goes!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:46am
Brilliant!! I may just try that. If I make a game out of it, maybe he'll put his redneck personality aside, and be a pirate! Or at the very least a prospector! LOL
Thanks for the idea. Hope he goes for it!
Casey
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 2:25pm

Glad you liked it Mamabear!!!


Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 3:28pm

Hi Casey,

I went through an extended LL period and at times things would get too rushed for me (which of course doesn't help if you're LL). I realize now that he tended to hurry a bit because if I heard one of the kids waking up or something, I'd stop everything...now I'm a lot more relaxed about just closing the bedroom door and doing our thing even if the kids are awake (they are older than your kids) and that means we both take our time.

Just the fact that the kids won't be home, might help a lot...if he's not doing what you need, just remind him that you've got all night, no need to rush!

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 9:51am

Hi Casey -

One of the things that is so ironic is that we all tend to take sex SO seriously, when it is meant to be playful and fun. If you read through these pages there are so many that: Don't get enough, get too much, he's not doing it right, she's not doing it right, to early, too late, to fat too skinny, penis is too big, too small, breasts are not right etc. etc. etc.

I too have gotten caught up in "serious sex" and it usually ruins it. Basically we get so caught up in how sex is "supposed to be" that we forget to enjoy what it is...in other words we miss it because we have these preconcieved ideas of how it is "supposed to" go. Sex is adult play...it's meant to be fun. My wife and I bought a game called "Kama Sutra" (there are thousands of different games out there), and on our anniversary we played it. We had about 2 and a half hours of foreplay and it was a blast. I would recommend finding a game or something and just having fun with it. Most of these games are really just designed to allow you to take time getting "home" and in that you can develop a lot of skills and a lot of safety surrounding communicating what you want and hearing what the other wants. Also, he will get to experience the joy of foreplay.

Good luck,
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 10:05am
Scott,
My wife gave me the Kama Sutra game, but we haven't had time to play it. Time that is the problem! DW thinks scheduling "private time" is not realistic and can not guarentee that she is in the mood. "Well you can anticipate and get in the mood!"
We do play games to "slow" thing down. Our favorites are "strip" poker or backgammon. We need a Friday or Saturdaay night where our kids are visiting friends for sleepovers!
funone
Some suggested strip UNO, I am looking into trying that ... and the kama sutra game - when we have time.