STD’s in a marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2012
STD’s in a marriage?
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 10:24am

Hello all,
 
Here is a little background on my situation. When I was dating my now husband everything was going great. We were very safe when it came to sex, and always used two forms of birth control. He always wore condoms and I was on the pill. About 5 months into dating the condom broke one night. As soon as we figured it out we took care of it. The very next day we talked about it, and agreed that we would both go get tested just to be safe, and because we both agreed our relationship was getting more serious and moving towards the next step. So we made appointments, and before I was even able to have my appointment,  he got the results to his and had popped positive for chlamydia. He told me right away and informed me he had no symptoms. When I went to my doc and told them the situation they gave me the meds for it that day, then did my STD test. My results came back clean and the doc told me I was all good. Due to the little hiccup we decided to keep using both forms of birth control.
 
Flash forward 1 year later and he asked me to marry him! Before the wedding we decided to get tested for STD's again so that on the wedding night we could stop using condoms. We both did and both of us were given a clean bill of health! We fell into newlywed bliss and were enjoying life.
 
About 6 months into our marriage my husband sat me down and informed me he just diagnosed for genital warts. After a lot of research and meetings with the doc I now know that there is no way to test a man for HPV unless he has an outbreak. I also found out that the HPV virus usually sits in the body for about 2-3 years before or between outbreaks, so this wasn't an issue of him cheating on me. Honestly, I was never worried about that in the first place.
 
Since the diagnoses I have never had an outbreak and my husband has never had another one. Prior to meeting him I was given Gardasil and the docs don't know how well that can protect me but they agree it doesn't make me immune.
 
My problem is that I can feel myself pulling away from my husband when it comes to sex. It is so hard to be able to enjoy having sex with him, when it is what got me into the position in the first place. I now feel like I am damaged goods. My DH knows I'm pulling away but he has told me he doesn't blame me. It's hard to get in the mood when I have to ask him before having sex if he has checked himself, then the whole time worry about how after we have sex for the next 3 weeks I need to check myself for an outbreak. That's the window I will be most likely to have an outbreak myself. I find it almost impossible to not physically recoil when he tries to be sweet to me during sex. I almost want to just close my eyes and tell him to hurry up because I can hardly stand it!
 
(Btw, the doc has already informed us that we both test positive for HPV so there is no reason to use condoms, we should just reframe from having sex during an outbreak.)
 
I know that this could be a marriage ending issue if I can't get past this. I don't want that at all! We have such an amazing marriage in every other aspect. He is my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him, yet I find myself wishing a sexless marriage was an option.
 
I am asking for any type of l advice on how to move past this.  Any tips on how to start enjoying sex again? How to bring some fun and be able to relax during? Thank you In advance!