thank you for the support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
thank you for the support
15
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:59pm

hi
I just wanted to thx those that gave me input into my rants. :-)
I talked to my Dr tonight about wanting to go to counseling.
He asked why and I said .. that after years of thinking ; talking and reading I felt
that I had allot of bent up angry towards sex and that was not a healthy attitude. He said 'no its not' and asked why I felt angry. I said my only memory as a child of a certain uncle always contains porn, 2 date rapes and a abusive ex-husband when it came to sex. I felt that may be all my problems with sex were do to that ,I have not dealt with all of this and its all been sufacing over the past few years and making me angry when it came to sex.
He said people that are sexual abused usually do feel angry towards sex.
(sort of freaked me out to think I have been sexually abused. Never really thought about that way)(I may of thought that but never really heard anyone say that.I know I have not had a heathly sex life)
anyways.. we talked some more and he is going to send me to a counselor doctor.
I have a great DH and I love him dearly. We should have a great sex life. I don't want my hang ups to ruin what can be a very happy intimate relationship that will last for the rest of my life.
This is going to be hard. But I dont' want to be angry anymore.

thxs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 9:40am

(((hugs))) coming out to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:00am

How wonderful! I'm glad to hear your going to get help. Also remember, we will be here for you every step of this. Just call on us!

Big HUG to you - I can't wait to hear of your progress!

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 1:13pm
That was so brave. I agree with Tish about the time thing. It isn't quick and there are moments when it is so painful you might think that it isn't worth it. It is hard but in the end completely worth it. I hated dredging up my past but I was abused as a child and if I didn't fix it, it was going to prevent me from living a full, giving and loving life. I actually enjoy sex so much now. I hope you find all that you are seeking of yourelf and more. Much love and support to you.
 Michele winter
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 2:52pm
Good luck in therapy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 8:22pm
Debbzy, you have just made one of the hardest and most rewarding decisions in your life. Admitting that you need and asking for help is the hardest part. There were times that I hated my therapist but also times I couldn't wait to get back to him. Some times I was desperate to get to my appointment and times I dreaded going. I tried calling and cancelling a few times but he caught on and wouldn't let me, if I missed more than one he wouldn't see me anymore! He was using tough love. Make sure you have your husband or a dear friend ready for you when you get home from your appointments. You may not want to be near them but knowing they are there puttering in the background if you need them is a huge relief. This will be so hard at times, you'll feel like you can't take it. Do not give up. You need to dig out all of that hurt and pain and get rid of it. Do not let these people take away your happiness in life, because this does taint everthing you do and think and feel. You don't want to carry that hatred around with you, that is just giving them more power over you. Take it back! They aren't going to get away with it any more. From here on out you will live with an open, loving heart and will be free to give all that love to the people who really deserve it. Congratulations. I'm here if you EVER need to talk. I have a fairly good idea of what you are going through. Hugs, Tanya.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 10:52pm

Thank you so much everyone.
I'm sure I'll be here now and then. I don't plan on telling my DH what I am doing.
I know I know.... my Dr was annoyed that I would not think of telling my DH. He said at some point he would have to know cause it takes 2. I understand that but OMG I just can't tell him. Anything I say reguarding having a sexual issue sounds like a lame excuse in my ears. Its to humilating. May one day.

Hugs
Debbzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 9:43am

Debbzy, that is your choice and you need to do what you feel is right for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 10:24am
Debbzy, what you are about to go through is going to put a strain on your marriage. You will have a lot of emotional turmoil and if your husband does not know the reason, he is going to be very confused and probally not very supportive. If all he knows is that his wife is crying and moody and sometimes verbally mean to him (which is bound to come up) he is going to be baffled. Please consider telling him. He sounds like a caring, supportive man. I'm sure he will want to be there to support you through this, especially if it is going to make your marriage stronger. Again, my thoughts are with you in this difficult time. Best wishes, Tanya.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 12:40pm

Tanya
do you know of any web-sites that I could go read?? I don't even know what topic I should
shearch for. Reason I say I can't tell DH is that, all my problems seem to surface when he moved in. So telling him my past has caught up to me,,, seems like a excuse.
Why didn't all these feeling or whatever happen before he moved in? Heck if I told him what my ex did ,,, he'd HIT him! (DH is a very emtional man) My ex and I now are just distance friends. We should of never married.. but we did make one great son. Which we are both very proud of. But maybe in time I can tell DH. I just don't trust him not to get angry...I can't handle "angry".
You scare me when you say I'll be going thru all this emotions. I hate emotions. Heck it was the first time I saw a counsellor 15yrs ago...SHE was the one that told me I was raped. Up till then I never thought twice about. I just thought sex was REALLY boring.
Shows you what kind of exciting guys I dated. lol

You know the only ones that know my past is you guys. I glad there is sites like this.
Thanks. I have to call my Dr this week and get his referrel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 2:02pm
Debbzy, I don't want to scare you. This is going to be avery emotional time, you need to get up all your strength for this. This will be the hardest thing you have done for yourself. But it will be soo worth it in the end. You have to want to do this. For yourself, and your son and your husband. You don't know it now because you live like it every day but there is a better life for you if you fight for it. One where you will love wholy, and you will not have the same fears or self doubt. You will be living life to its fullest, if you accept the challenge to get there. It will be scarey, but you can do it. You have people that love you and care about you. You have to be strong to get through this. I will be here to help you but I can only do so much over the computer. You need a support system. The reason this all came up when DH moved in is because you felt safe with him and knew he would love you through it. It is because you know he will stick by you when no one else would. But you have to let him. He will need support in this too. It is difficult to remember the reason you are doing it all when you love some one healing from sexual abuse. I don't know of any web sites as I dealt with this 10 years ago and didn't have acsess to it. I will look for you. You're counsellor will be able to help with that too. After I had a grasp on the initial shock I started going to a support group. That was hard at times but such a blessing. Just to be around other women going along it with you. Please don't get scared and quit, you can do this. I know I am a stranger but you have to believe me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And you will be so full of life and love if do this. Many women who have been through what I have spend their whole life in denial and trying to run away from the pain. If you face it head on and know that it will be hard, you will come out the other side. Please feel free to email me by clicking onmy profile if you want to talk in private. I have no problems discussing this. I deal with it all the time. I'm sending you a big hug right now. And thinking of you.

 

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