Thanks to all here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thanks to all here!
10
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 12:38pm

I am a very infrequent poster and decided to write this morning to thank many of you for being so open on this board and giving me hope! I've been reading for years and wondering how so many women enjoyed so many different things. Don't get me wrong, my wife has been great , but sex has been a routine. Maybe once a week, some sexy lingerie, a bj 2-3 times a year (though won't allow me to do oral on her). I have been frustrated, wondering when she would open up and reading some of this I have seen how some have said it just takes a while, or even years.

As I wrote this I realize it sounds like a story for the fantasies board, but this really happened last night and I'm just in a state of shock. We'll see if it continues!

Well, apparently the key for me was 7 years (dating+marriage), two weeks off, some champagne (but not drunk) and perhaps my wife making a New Years resolution (don't know how else this happened). The last week or so she has wanted sex more and been more aggressive in bed, which was a nice surprise, but last night blew the top off any and all of my expectations . . .

We were at a friends for dinner, drinks and fireworks and came home at midnight. She had really enjoyed the champagne and I had another bottle, which we took to the hot tub we hadn't even used in two months. It took a while for the water to warm, so there was a lot of cuddling and buzzed conversation. She decided to ride me and for some reason I was able to go forever - so we took it very slow and talked.

I know you are supposed to talk about sex outside the bedroom, and apparently a Jacuzzi is a good place. She asked my fantasies and expressed some discomfort with some porn on my computer (including links to here). The conversation ended up covering both of our fantasies. Mine included bj's to completion, anal sex, watching porn together, and the typical male idea of a threesome. Hers fantasies mostly included being controlled and used, but also included sex with other men - I told her that a mmf was possible and shocked her, but we talked about it. Probably won't happen due to the risk of STD's, but amazing to open up enough to talk about it.

She not only accepted my fantasies, we had anal sex right in the hot tub - this is something we'd tried once and she told me would never happen again - we didn't know what we were doing and I think it hurt a lot. After some initial entry pain she actually said it felt good, but we didn't finish that way. This moved to a shared shower (something that has happened once), with a bj and finished up in bed with woman on top and doggy.

Just an unbelievable night. I have to admit I've thought about getting some of what I was missing elsewhere in the past. Lessons learned 1) it was worth the wait - she is a wild woman, 2) Wet Platinum silicone lube works even underwater, 3) your wife might not think you are a total perv if you tell her your fantasies, 4) the Jacuzzi, even though little used, is worth every dime. Future 1) she promised to finish a bj tonight, 2) she might let me try oral on her once, but still isn't so sure about this, 3) anal may be possible again, but for now only in the hot tub (I think she's worried about it being clean), 4) perhaps some mmf porn to have a virtual 3rd person in the bedroom.

Anyway, thanks again to the posters here and all the supportive information in the past. Even posts from the frustrated men and women have been so valuable as it helped me realize I wasn't alone! I'll post in a week or two with an update as to whether this was a one night thing (did she drink more than I thought?) or if our sex life is revitalized.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 1:47pm
Thanks for posting your update, newguy. We LOVE hearing the success stories here. Buy that woman some flowers, pronto, and let her know how much you appreciated last night! The very best thing you can do to ensure that it wasn't just a one time thing is to keep the conversation going.

A shared fantasy while watching porn sounds like a great way to incorporate her fantasies about other men into your sex life without the risk of STD's and/or damage to your marriage in the process. Also (shameless self-promotion here) you, and/or she, might enjoy the link to the 'Cruise Adventure' story in my siggy.



Also, please do let us know how it goes performing oral on her, and whether anal continues to be a regular part of your sex life. If it's been a while since you've had the pleasure of dining on muff, you might want to stop by www.the-clitoris.com for some refresher tips first, to maximize the chances that she has an enjoyable experience.



So how long until the two of you start introducing toys into your bedroom? That can be another great way to help act out the virtual MMF fantasy. My wife started out as a skeptic where toys are concerned, but is now quite addicted to things that go buzz in the night.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 1:50pm
Steve, thanks for the idea on the flowers - I hadn't thought of that but will do so - she deserves them. We've actually used toys for quite some while - the Hitachi Magic wand is her favorite, but shes never been too much into penetration toys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 2:53pm
What a wonderful way to start a new year, and thank you so much for sharing that with us. I'm really glad that you've found encouragement and moral support here. Now, maybe you'll come out of hiding and post more often? lol




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"Life is a drama, and there's only the one performance" - Luna di Rossi





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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 11:13pm

Thanks for the update on giving us hope.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 4:31am
We always watch sex DVD'S and talk about our fantasies, play with toys, masturbate together, talk dirty etc. But one fantasy that had not come up was strap on sex on me. When I mentioned it she said that it had been one of her fantasies to do me with a strap on. She gets so hot and now we do it regularly.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 9:05am

Great story. I agree, flowers are in order. I wouldn't contribute it all to champagne or you're taking away the fact that she truly wanted to explore these things. I doubt she just lost all sense or you would have noticed her just being a sloppy mess. In addition to flowers, have a heartfelt talk about how close you feel after sharing with each other so very intimately. Make sure she knows it's not just the sex act, although she deserves praise indeed. Also let her know you feel close and know she's one hell of a catch.

Keep us updated on how things continue after a night full of champagne. I think since she likes her Hitachi, she must very much enjoy stimulus around the clitoris. Meaning I would bet she'll learn to relax and enjoy oral. She might enjoy that in the hot tub, she could be holding back because she worries about cleanliness. Plus, it's relaxing to soak first. I gave my DH a BJ in a hot tub in Sept and he STILL talks about it. ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 9:51am
YUMMM — hot tub BJ's from DW are among my personal favorites!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 10:22am
Yeah, go figure! I assumed one BJ is as good as another. We were in private hot springs actually and there was a wide rim on the bath that he sat on and I was on my knees. I had serious scrapes on my knees for weeks after that. I guess I got a gold star that night!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 2:57pm

A mini-update. We were both too tired the next day for any play, but last night we got back in the saddle and had some bedtime conversation. Basically she admits to get that crazy she is going to need to be really buzzed. Still, I did get a nice mini-BJ and she did woman-on-top (which is rare). We also used the Hitachi to a great orgasm. So small steps, and it is apparently ok for me to push for more when she's had a few drinks . . .

Btw, the flowers were a great idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 7:41pm
I am not an expert on this and hopefully some of the other posters can verify or not, but I wonder if eventually she won't need the buzz?
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