Threesome as a gift for my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2013
Threesome as a gift for my husband
17
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 5:18pm

I am considering suggesting a threesome to my husband -- us and another woman.  For context, I would describe our sex life as average.  He is more sexual than I am and I know he wishes that I were more adventurous.  This is not to say that I don't have fantasies or desire, but I have never been comfortable with talking about them with him.  I am pretty sure he would be excited by the idea (I don't know very many men who wouldn't), and I have done some research on how to pick the other woman (someone we know vs. escort).  I guess I just thought I would put the idea out here on the board to see if anyone has had experience with this and would like to offer some advice -- e.g. how you picked the third person, if you found it to be enjoyable, if you want to warn against it. 

Any thoughts/advice is welcome.

Thanks.

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 6:05pm

Me and my DH have been speaking more openly about our sex life in recent months.  You may want to consider being more open with your DH before inviting someone else into your bed. 

Sometimes fantisizing, or some other means, can gleen the same results as the actual taboo act.  What ever  you do, it is important that you are 100% comfortable.  If you are not, your proposition could go bad real quick.  This is something you can never un-do. 

With that said, it is not for me to say what you should or shouldn't do, so all I can really add is to be smart and do your homework.  Just make sure that you really think this is what you both want.  (i.e. if you feel like you have to be drinking to do this, then you shouldn't be doing it)  I had a friend who was a swinger and even though they both agreed to this lifestyle, jealousy was still involved. 

Really, and I mean really communicate with your DH.  Be smart and be careful. 

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 7:32pm

I think this is creepy and I think there are tons of other things you could do to spice up your sex life, from movies, dressing up, going to a hotel, etc. etc.  If it's someone you know, that could cause a host of problems from embarrassment to worrying about whether your DH would like to do it again, jealousy, etc.  If it's a professional, you have to worry about disease and just the grossness of it.  I'm all for trying fun things to spice up your sex life, but I am old fashioned I guess in that it should just be between the 2 married people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2013
Fri, 09-06-2013 - 10:32pm
This is a helluva 1st post for me! My first advice would be to think it through, try to picture the act and whether or not you can handle it. Second, I think you have the best shot at enjoying it without any backlash or repercussions if you are really into it, in other words it excites you as opposed to giving it to him as a gift. That's an extremely generous, and potentially dangerous gift. As for our experiences, my wife and I both were involved in threesomes prior to dating. She did one fmf and a few mfm's, and loved both. I did a couple drug fueled mfm's, but not the fmf, which of course I wanted. After about 5 years of marriage she said she'd be up for a fmf, but she wanted an mfm too. Part of the experience for us was the thrill of meeting someone new, so we started going out and within a month or 2 we hooked up with a girl in her early 20's who ended up leaving before things really got going, although it made for a great night for us after she left. Within a couple weeks we were out while on vacation and the mfm happened, talk about intense. There were more than a few moments of jealousy mixed with excitement but, she loved it and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Like I said my previous experiences with mfm were while under the influence of heavy drugs, so the memories are hazy. It took nearly 6 months to finally find the right girl for the fmf, but it was very much worth the wait. I think the key is we both wanted to do it, we weren't really doing it for the other person, though I was slightly doing the mfm for her so I could have the fmf.
Avatar for annie66
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2011
Sun, 09-08-2013 - 4:10pm

My husband wanted to try an open marriage but not so he could be with other women. Our open relationship now includes frequent threesomes with me sharing a bed with two men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2013
Sun, 09-08-2013 - 10:52pm
Just curious, we've pretty much settled in on one regular "3rd" for our threesomes, do you two do the same or change it up? We've had 6 or 7 other partners but the combination of fun in bed and the comfort level makes it so our regular 3rd is just the easiest way to go. We're not interested in swing clubs, so finding people pretty much has consisted of just going out for the night. Just wondering how others accomplish this :) Of course, feel free to say, none of your business!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2013
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 6:42pm

Thanks for all of the above advice.  I understand that this can't just be a gift for him, and that I have to have the desire or interest too...and I do.  But, I am also sort of a jealous person and I worry about that aspect of the situation.  I think I will have an honest conversation about it with him and see if this is even something he strongly fantasizes about...or maybe there is something else he has been wanting to do, but just hasn't asked.  I'll keep you all posted ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2013
Mon, 09-09-2013 - 10:36pm

Maybe he'll suggest an mfm for you :) , good luck!

Avatar for annie66
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2011
Thu, 09-12-2013 - 8:47am

We also have a 'regular' third. A man I met more than 7 years ago. We've never even been inside a swing club but we have a rather unique arrangement.  My younger sister and her husband also are in an open marriage. And we share partners. None of us are bi.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 11:26am

Have you thought about taking him to a strip club and get a few lap dances for both of you?  That may open a can of worms but you would get some sense of how you feel while he is getting the attention of a female.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2013
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 11:13pm

Just Curious - Did you ever set up a 3-sum with your husband? How did it turn out for you?

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