Threesome...to do or not to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Threesome...to do or not to do?
5
Sat, 07-25-2009 - 4:15pm
Seeking wisdom from experience here from married couples. We aren't married yet, but plan to be...so I figure you know more than me.

I'm in a long-term relationship, already passed the year mark. We totally love eachother and plan to get married as soon as we can. This means FOREVER to us, and is non-negotiable.


We've been together over a year and plan to marry as soon as we can. We love eachother...in a commitment sense, and it is non-negotiably forever for us.


As we've experimented and gotten to know eachother sexually, one of the the fantasies that has come up is a threesom...m-f-f. I am totally interested in this...and while I would never want a relationship with a woman, sexually I find them interesting. So we lived outside the US, where a safe legal prostitute is an option and that is what we have discussed doing. He has been totally open that if at any point I change my mind and back out...even in the middle of it...that's okay. I feel most comfortable knowing she is providing a "service" and while I fantasize that it would be pleasurable for her, I do not imagine her being anyone we would ever see more than once unless we both agreed. We've established that since I'm his first partner, there would be no kissing or intercouse between them...but she and I could enjoy eachother and we could do oral for him. I think we are on the same page, he is super sensitive to my stipulations.


Most of the time I find this a huge turn on to discuss and am totally for DOING it. Occasionally I have doubts and worries that I will just feel jealous forever. RIght now I can say I am the only woman who has EVER touched him sexually. That is huge to give up in even with the stipulations.


Who has done this and how did it turn out? we are secure, but is this something a secure relationship can enjoy? we both totally want it equally...but is that enough?


We are very certain our relationship is EXCLUSIVE emotionally and neither one is okay with the other have sexual activities without both of us present. He is totally closed to another male, cause he is very straight and it is just NOT attractive to him. Sometimes I worry that just as he would not be okay with be having sex with another man, this two-woman fantasy would reduce me in his eyes? Not sure. Just a strange nagging thought. I was the one who even introduced this fantasy!


I feel safe knowing I can always bail but wish to know experienced opinions!


tHANKS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2009
Sat, 07-25-2009 - 7:28pm

I think that the two of you are off on a wonderful adventure. Your relationship is based on communication and respect for the needs of the other. With that said, let me give you a little background.

My wife and I have been married almost 15 years and adore each other, there have been ups and downs. More ups than downs, we have 4 gorgeous boys age 3 - 10 and as you can expect, life is pretty busy.

We are very open to discussing our wants and desires with each other. About 2 years ago, my wife expressed a desire for a m-m-f threesome and at first I was very against the idea. Yet, the idea of it excited my wife so much that the topic stayed relevant for many months.

We never explored the idea in our bedroom with another man. But, it helped us realize how important it was for her to set the stage emotionally and psychologically before we ever started the act of sex. She now enjoys her fantasies and we have found a discreet and respectable website for her to explore these fantasies.

Feel free to email me regarding it.

I think the idea of introducing another woman may seem very exciting, but it will change the way you feel once you do it. Right now you feel you have an exclusive on your partner's body. That will change if you take the idea to the next step.

Just food for thought, no judgment, you may really enjoy it!

Have fun and enjoy each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 6:15am
Welcome to the board, arequipagirl. I don't have any experience with 3somes, but I'm sure you'll get some advice from others around here. I would also suggest you check out Sexual Taboos board, as there is a folder dedicated to open relationships there and you'll find plenty of advice from people with experience in this.


I'm Nenu, co-cl here along with Meme, good luck with this.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 6:17am
Welcome to the board, joyfulfather. I'm Nenu, co-cl here along with Meme. Thanks for joining in.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 6:52am
Just my thought. Better to keep this a fantasy. Once it's done it's DONE. The genie cannot be put back in the bottle. You could ruin a relationship over a sexual fantasy gone wrong. My advise. Honor your future husband by keeping him to yourself.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 08-03-2009 - 11:31am

I have a very good friend who frequently engages in MFF threesomes with her committed boyfriend of over a year. He was the one who brought it up, insisted that she pick the other girl (initially) and seemed the most enthusiastic about it, of the two of them. However, he gets very very jealous--to the point of yelling and walking out on some occasions--when they actually get together with the girl and the girl-on-girl action starts in his presence. And yet, he comes back a few days later and wants to do it again. His enthusiasm is once again high and he is insistent that he won't be jealous "this time". It baffles me. But it's something to consider. Fantasies are fantasies. Sometimes actually carrying them out has emotional ramifications that we can't anticipate.


RIght now I can say I am the only woman who has EVER touched him sexually. That is huge to give up in even with the stipulations.


What does being his first partner mean to you? Why is it important? I'm not saying it shouldn't be, I'm just wondering if you can express it. Perhaps it would help to get to the bottom of why this is important to you. How would you feel if the tables were turned and he were proud of "taking your virginity" and being the only partner he'd ever had?


Sometimes I worry that just as he would not be okay with be having sex with another man, this two-woman fantasy would reduce me in his eyes?


It would be uncommon for a man to feel the same about his girl having sex with another girl as he does about his girl having sex with another man. You could be right; he could be non-average in that regard. Since you raised the idea, how enthusiastic has he been about it?