Tool Trivia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Tool Trivia
11
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 6:40am

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, crap!"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle ... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

S** OF A B**** TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "S** of a B****" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 10-16-2009 - 6:09am
I'm glad it brought fond memories back for you! lol




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 10-16-2009 - 6:08am
I knew that both you and CH would relate to those!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2009
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 4:13pm

You have conjured up many fond memories of hanging out with my dad in his shop. I always knew it was time to quietly back out of the room when the SOB tool showed up.

LOL!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 12:22pm

I lost a shirt tail to a wire wheel on a side grinder once. I was cleaning some welds and the wire wheel kicked back and grabbed my shirt. Fortunately I stopped it before it grabbed my stomach. I put the grinder up and went to do some welding. That wasn't a good idea either. A few minutes after I started welding, I felt something very warm against my stomach.

CH

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 3:50am

I can relate to many of these.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 1:37pm
Why am I not surprised at that?




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 11:49am

I own some of those .....

and I have the scars to prove it ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2009
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 3:04am
LMAO The sad thing is we've actually experienced some of those things at my house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 11:26am
I know that re-runs of it have been airing in the UK. Wasn't sure about your side of the Channel.

Home Improvement


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 11:06am

Have you been watching reruns of Home Improvement again? I'm pretty sure that, at one time or another, Time "the tool man" Taylor managed to accomplish each and every one of these on that show.




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