unhealthy desire

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
unhealthy desire
18
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 11:30am

i'm a happily married woman, we're in our mid 30's. we have a group of friends that have met mostly throgh our kid's school. so we're all in the same boat, roughly the same age and with kids. we've all become pretty tight. close friends of ours recently held a party to break in their new sauna. we had a nice dinner, then sent the kids to the toy room while we had drinks and relaxed.

after a few drinks we decided to try out the sauna. we stripped down and covered ourselves with towels and went in. i was sitting across from the married host of the party, and could catch glimpses of his "package" as his towel shifted when he moved/uncrossed his legs, etc. i likely would have never noticed except for the incredible lenght and width. it hung down nearly to his knee and was as thick as a soda can. i couldn't stop stealing glances, and found myself getting very aroused.

that night my husband and i made love (while i thought about what i saw earlier in the day) and he was none the wiser. the problem is that i find myself fantasizing about this other man a lot now, and we happen to spend a great deal of time together volunteering at my daughter's school. we have been flirting more openly, and it makes me wonder if him showing me was an accident or not...

at any rate, i've since introduced larger toys into our bedroom and have had a hard time being satisfied by my husband, who's average length/girth. i love him dearly, but my infatuation with this other man's package is getting the best of me, i'm feeling very dangerously tempted... 

would love any advice or to hear if other couples have had similar experiences/issues. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2012
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 12:31pm
Meegan, I am a long time lurker and your discussion here has drawn me out of the shadows! I am quite fascinated by your story. It it almost electric .....the way you have this desire and fascination! I was wondering, if you would be willing to write out the fantasies you have had about fulfilling this craving? Do you have various scenarios that you have thought about....ways you would like to see this need. I mean describe your first encounter, your feelings as you held him...as you kissed him.....as he entered you the first time. Again....I am enthralled by your fascination here! thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 11:49pm

As xxx said there is a difference between love and lust. I love my husband but I lust after other men. Sometimes things happen and a need is fulfilled it doesn't mean that I love my husband any less. That being said my husband and I have an agreement. My time is my own as long as I am home at 3pm when my children come home and am there when he comes home from work, and do my job as his wife and mother of his children I can do as I please. The only other rule is that nonio of our friends can know so as its not rubbed in his face. This arrangement wouldn't work for everyone but it does for us. 

So I say evaluate your feelings if you sampled the goods are you going to able to live with yourself? Can you continue your friendship with this couple? Good luck! Make choice wisely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2011
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 2:40pm
My then-husband.....I believe we solved a problem by being open with each other like that: solving problems is what marriage is all about..... I take it you have a new husband?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 11:54am

Size hardly matters to me, as I said. If size mattered all that much, neither men nor women would easily find attractive partners because all the good ones would be taken and there would be waiting lines. By "good ones" I'm referring to women and men who have wonderful sizes, whatever that means. Big "chests" and small waists and other things, etc.?? As a matter of fact, in my bedroom (and elsewhere) we often don't get to the point of IC because there are other activities that are very exciting, to do which you don't need a large bigness, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 10:09am

You make some interesting points Pandy! I think the confidence thing is one of them. I have always considerened myself to be of average size. I've had women say I was big, I've had women say I was average. It never mattered to me personally, it was more a matter of what I did in bed to satisfy someone. I've been the person who gave the woman the best sex of her life, and I've been the person that was the really lame drunken sex. It just depends on the situation, and whether or not you can get over yourself enough to know that sex is pretty much fun no matter what (yes, there are exceptions), and sometimes it's just more fun. 

Size does matter in a lot of instances, especially porn - I mean who, man or woman, wants to watch a porn with a guy with a 4 inch penis? Lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Tue, 11-13-2012 - 12:51pm

I wasn't so interested in size, of course, except that I enjoy sex more if a man is confident, and men are often confident--even stupidly overconfident--if they are large in that way. Size does matter when I fantasize. I think that's normal, isn't it? I've asked my friends that and they agree they think about it at that time. And a large size is good for watching porn, I think. Anyway, that's almost the whole of my interest in size but for the few times when I was younger and experimenting when it mattered a great deal--but that was when I was very different from the way I am now. Well I told my husband that yes, I fantasized the way he did and I can't say it was just "he loved it" but "he loved it with qualifications." In other words, he loved the idea -- this led to some different things! -- but then hated the feeling he hadn't been the greatest sex partner of my entire life. I had to deal with that attitude, as you can well imagine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 8:56am

pandy, please share more. are you into size too, or was it just your husband's fantasy? did you experiment together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 9:32am

why ask for advice? because i got some wonderful input from Pandy. thanks Pandy. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 11:37pm
So why ask for advice if you're going to sample the package?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 1:11pm

My innocuous comment being unable to get through the iVillage mechanical censor or whatever it is that prevents my post, I'll just say, confide this fantasy to your husband and open your mind to new experience-- his reaction. You may be surprised. He may appreciate your telling him or he show horrible jealousy. An opportunity for you both to grow. Deal with it. Go flexibly on from there.

My then-husband was quite shocked—pleasurably so. He seized the opportunity to tell me he felt such relief now, not feeling alone in his mind with his fantasies. He said, "I no longer feel like an animal." Finally, the beans could spill out. His obsession for some time had been his thoughts that his wife could become terribly obsessed with size and length, and he thought about this twenty times a day, in turns jealous at the thought and itchy to see and watch me under the compulsion, or better yet, to catch me at it. I believe we solved a problem by being open with each other like that: solving problems is what marriage is all about.

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