unhealthy desire

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
unhealthy desire
18
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 11:30am

i'm a happily married woman, we're in our mid 30's. we have a group of friends that have met mostly throgh our kid's school. so we're all in the same boat, roughly the same age and with kids. we've all become pretty tight. close friends of ours recently held a party to break in their new sauna. we had a nice dinner, then sent the kids to the toy room while we had drinks and relaxed.

after a few drinks we decided to try out the sauna. we stripped down and covered ourselves with towels and went in. i was sitting across from the married host of the party, and could catch glimpses of his "package" as his towel shifted when he moved/uncrossed his legs, etc. i likely would have never noticed except for the incredible lenght and width. it hung down nearly to his knee and was as thick as a soda can. i couldn't stop stealing glances, and found myself getting very aroused.

that night my husband and i made love (while i thought about what i saw earlier in the day) and he was none the wiser. the problem is that i find myself fantasizing about this other man a lot now, and we happen to spend a great deal of time together volunteering at my daughter's school. we have been flirting more openly, and it makes me wonder if him showing me was an accident or not...

at any rate, i've since introduced larger toys into our bedroom and have had a hard time being satisfied by my husband, who's average length/girth. i love him dearly, but my infatuation with this other man's package is getting the best of me, i'm feeling very dangerously tempted... 

would love any advice or to hear if other couples have had similar experiences/issues. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 1:34pm

I"m trying not to judge and to each their own, but I've been close with some couples over the years, but never close enough to just to strip down into nothing but a towel and hop a sauna with them.  But I guess some people do this at health clubs / hotels, etc.  It's just a little strange to me, with the kids around and this guy being hung like a farm animal.

To me it sounds like no accident that he wanted you or someone to notice.  I can kind of understand the excitement of it all, but I guess you have to ask yourself how you would honestly feel if say his wife let your husband sneek a peak underneath the towel.  Say her breasts were a lot bigger then yours and now your husband was tempted, how would that make you feel?  Not trying to judge, again I could understand it, this is what I do to myself sometimes when I feel tempted, kind of flip things around and make myself realize how the situation is from the other side.

How is his wife towards you / your husband?  Could they possilby be swingers scoping you out and the other couple?

I have always heard of swingers and hot tubs, and now the reason I posted.  This past summer some neighbors invited my young daughter and I to go swimming with some other neighbors and their young daughter, and yes they have a hot tub.  She is a little older than I am, but she looks very good for her age and in a bikini, she could give some women 20 years younger a run for their money.   I got this weird vibe, honestly could have been my imagination, maybe seeing the hot tube sitting there, that she was kind of scoping, but I got the same vibe on a few other occasions.  It's weird she doesn't say anything outright, but just the way she looks at me sometimes, and her husband does travel a lot for work.

I would tread cautiously, you could be heading for disaster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 2:28am
I have no doubt whatsoever that it was no "accident" that he let you see his package. I also suspect that the entire sauna party is a little risque and I wonder where the hosts thought that it would lead..... As the other poster mentioned, "scoping" is what I thought of it all. And I have much the same thoughts as the other poster had about the situation. Were there any attractive women sitting across from your husband? Last thought, if your marriage really is in great shape then this shouldn't really have led to infatuation, flirting or such vivid day-dreaming. How is your marriage? Really?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 11:18am

it defintely was not some type of swinger party. i know these couples very well. i do believe he showed me on purpose as he's been very flirty and suggestive. regarding my marriage, it's in great shape. i'm just experiencing a bit of a crush on a very specific and incredible body part. lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 11:18am

it defintely was not some type of swinger party. i know these couples very well. i do believe he showed me on purpose as he's been very flirty and suggestive. regarding my marriage, it's in great shape. i'm just experiencing a bit of a crush on a very specific and incredible body part. lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 6:00pm
I didn't mean that I thought that all of you would disrobe and have an orgy there and then. You're right. It doesn't sound like that sort of party. Having said that, I don't think that very many people would have a sauna party and believe that no-one would suspect their motives or think that it was a little dodgy. If its just a crush on a certain body part then that's all good. Just be careful of that flirting though. That's up close and personal and it's not just something that you are imagining in your head. Don't forget that he's made his intentions towards you very clear already. He's already "guiding" the relationship between the two of you into steamy territory.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 10:15pm

Megan:

  There is much to think on.  However, the first is to see if this is a passing fancy or not.  Many times lust is for a person is a one time thing.  So meet again and see what your feelings are.  If the lust is still there then a decision needs to be made.  If it becomes an obsession then to feed that would perhaps end it as the curiosity would be satisfied. 

     I disagree that the state of the marriage has anything to do with the desire to experience this guy's equipment.  Lust and love are not necessarily combined. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 11:08am

thanks Xxxs. you get me! and yes i may need to sample the package to satisfy my curiosity. i mean, it's literally the  most magnificent speciman of  man meat i have ever seen. it would be a shame not to try a bite (or lick)... lol. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 12:11pm
I am having trouble post my reply. I have removed anything that could possibly offend, and still I cannot post my reply. What's up with this place anyway??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 1:11pm

My innocuous comment being unable to get through the iVillage mechanical censor or whatever it is that prevents my post, I'll just say, confide this fantasy to your husband and open your mind to new experience-- his reaction. You may be surprised. He may appreciate your telling him or he show horrible jealousy. An opportunity for you both to grow. Deal with it. Go flexibly on from there.

My then-husband was quite shocked—pleasurably so. He seized the opportunity to tell me he felt such relief now, not feeling alone in his mind with his fantasies. He said, "I no longer feel like an animal." Finally, the beans could spill out. His obsession for some time had been his thoughts that his wife could become terribly obsessed with size and length, and he thought about this twenty times a day, in turns jealous at the thought and itchy to see and watch me under the compulsion, or better yet, to catch me at it. I believe we solved a problem by being open with each other like that: solving problems is what marriage is all about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 11:37pm
So why ask for advice if you're going to sample the package?

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