What do guys REALLY think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2005
What do guys REALLY think?
13
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 9:02am

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have BOTH gained about 10 lbs since we got married. Our sex life was a bit more adventurous at first. It has slacked in the different positions part I think mostly because of my insecurities with my body. I have always been self conscious about how I look naked. I am not really overweight, I weigh 123 and I am 5'4" I wear a size 6 and my bra size is 34DD. He says he loves my body and that he would never be turned off by me (even if I was to gain 20 lbs (so he says))but I see the women on Fear Factor and different reality shows and I know I do not look that good. I would say I am average. My stomach is not flat and my boobs certainly are not perky (I have had 2 babies). I am afraid of letting him see me completely naked in different positions because I am afraid that he will get turned off. I know there will be parts of me jiggling that are not my boobs and other parts that cannot compare to the perfect bodies that flash on TV every 2 minutes. So what I am wondering is this. What does a guy REALLY think during sex if his wife's body is not like those on TV? Is it ever a turn off to see your wife in a position that you have seen in a porn movie and have her not look as sexy as the girls on there do? Should I just trust that he will not be grossed out like I am when I look at myself in the mirror bending over(yes, I have done this to see what he would see). I really want to feel free and not be so concerned with how I will look but I feel like since men are so visually stimulated not having that really nice body has to come into play.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 11:16am

Dh and I are married 25 years and both of our bodies have changed over the years so, I got you one male's point of view, I ran this question past Dh.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 11:48am

Welcome to the board justme_31!!


What I read in this was that you are lumping your man in with all other "men" and while there are some men that prefer a thin TV/movie/model type figure there are many men that don't.


Is your DH doing something that is causing this insecurity or have you come to this conclusion on your own b/c you don't like the way your body looks?


I have not lost a lb since the birth of my daughter when I gained 28lbs. In fact, I gained 10 more while breastfeeding!


My DH couldn't care less. He still thinks I'm sexy.. but it took me a while to get myself there along with him.


MadsenFallSiggy3.png picture by jenniemadsen1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 12:28pm

Welcome to SMS! we are very happy to have you posting here!


I think Tish said it best in her post! read and re-read if you have to.


Im only 4'11" and I weight at 160 right now...I was almost 200lbs just 2 yrs ago. so Im doing alot better! LOL! But in all of our 25yrs together DH has "never" lost that feeling for me or that "I want you" becuase of the way I looked! He Loves ME as I am....


You need to listen to your DH...he loves you, and wouldn't think anything bad about you. Be proud of the way you look and turn yourself around. If you really want to do something about join a gym or a curves (which is what I did 2 yrs ago!! Curves is the best thing that happen to me!) If you can due to money then start walking around your area every day! until you can start running! do anything to make yourself feel better!


Please keep posting here and let us know how things go!

memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 12:31pm

Tish! ~~~Clapping and standing up and yelling!~~~ GREAT POST!!


Im like you in some ways as well...I had 2 c-sections and then a Hys I hate that scar BUT without that scar wouldn't that the most important title...Mom!! and I just remember that when I look at it! and it makes me smile!


Now if I could just do something about those bobs of mine!! anything to make the 'stand up' again!! LOL!

memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2005
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 1:37pm

I'm male, married, and my wife will be 40 this year (and she's given birth to 3 children).

I agree with Tish's DH - no matter how many times you tell your DW she looks great, deep down she just can't (or won't) believe you. While men are visual, and we do appreciate the beauty of a younger woman, it's a passing glance, comparable perhaps to looking at a Renoir in an art museum.

But I think the real reason we still love the way you look, even as the years pass by, is that we have a combination of little things that we like and appreciate, and these little things combine to form a whole that is much deeper than the "mass marketed package" that woman like to feel they need to compete with.

Some examples, I like the dimple that forms on my wife's face when she smiles, and the look of pleasure that forms on her face as she approaches orgasm. I like the way her breasts flop around when she's on top (which gets better with age I might add) and the way her hips meet her ass. I think she has a sexy belly, even after 3 children. And I like the way her nipples get hard when she's cold... the list goes on, but you get the idea.

All these little things are a part of what helps love grow over the years, and a moment of lustful appreciation of a TV star or model isn't ever going to be able to replace it. Sure, maybe you want to be that girl, but in the long run you're much better off what what you have.

I think it's a real travesty that many of you feel you need to cover yourself up. We like to watch, and we like to watch YOU! Don't ever forget it! We honestly don't notice the flaws you think you have...

Cheers,

Boddies

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 2:12pm
Thanks Meme.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 2:44pm

Boddingtons, (BTW that's one of my husband's favorite beers)

I hope you tell your wife all these great things about her...she would surely appreciate it! Very sweet. Nice to get a male point of view.

Nani

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2005
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 5:25pm
Thank you for all of your replies. I know for sure it is not something that he is doing wrong. He is as supportive and loving as can be and that just makes me feel worse about the way that I am. I really want to learn to really like my body no matter how much I weigh. I was even insecure when we got married and at that time I had actually gotten down to 108. My husband thinks I need counseling but I just don't know what a counselor could tell me that my husband already hasn't. He is away on deployment right now in the middle east and wont be back for another 30 days. I usually loose weight while he is gone which seems to help me abit but I have to figure out something to say to myself in those moments when he wants me to get on top or to take my clothes off in front of him. (he never pressure me by the way) I swear just thinking about it makes my heart wanna go to my stomach. I want to get over this so bad, he is such a wonderful husband I know he would never hurt me by making me feel bad about myself. Who knows, maybe I do need counseling? Anyway, thanks for the replies, I am going to try repeating to myself "He doesn't see what I see, He doesn't see what I see". Mabye that will help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2005
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 6:20pm

I think perhaps you're a little self conscious, not an unusual trait in the modern world. Forcing yourself to ignore your feelings is one way around it. You could also quit thinking about yourself and focus on your spouse. Perhaps walking nude (or wearing only a kimono or some such) around the house when no-one is home might help you feel more comfortable with your body over the long run?

I can't say that I really know what the answer is, but ultimately, you need to start feeling good about yourself, and counselling could help you there. You don't need to keep it up you know, if it doesn't seem to be helping...

Good Luck

Boddies

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 8:09pm

Justme, You feel the way you do about your body because of your own personal insecurities. When a man loves a woman, he loves the entire package. Your insecurities are denying your husband from enjoying you entire naked body in all its glory. I say "in all its glory" because when a man loves his wife, it is her body that he loves and her body that he wants to visually enjoy from EVERY angle.

My wife was always shy and somewhat insecure, especially when we first married, but I have encouraged her, as your husband is encouraging you, to be totally at ease when naked in the bedroom or anywhere else.

I am 75 years old and my dear wife is 70. She does not look as she did at 21. I assure you that I don't look like I did when we married 50 years ago. But I will tell you that she will get into (or try) any position I ask her to get into, so I can view her from every angle. The boobs sag, but they are much softer and bigger, and can envelop my entire face. She doesn't even have to be asked to pull my head into her breasts so I can get all charged up. She has kept me young and virile. If she hid herself from my view all these years, things might be somewhat different.

YOU CAN change your mental attitude about your body. It is just mind over matter. You know that he loves only you and I assure you that he is NOT comparing you with those young women he and I see every day on the TV. You are the one he loves and he doesn't care a hill of beans for those TV women. YOU are the one that he wants, so give him your ALL!! Good luck.

Edited too quickly, so I had to fix a few typos.

Edited 4/16/2005 9:29 pm ET ET by gigi_1000




Edited 4/16/2005 9:31 pm ET ET by gigi_1000

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